Spunky Foonerism

Did somebody changed this to the goat forum and didn't tell me? Well I'm down. Edit: Hey careful with the seizure jokes. Goats get seizures, you know! Just kidding. If your dad has seizures, that makes it funny.

Well, I AM a LITTLE angry that you asked two riddles in a row. But other than that, I'm not angry at all. On the contrary, I'm actually trying to prevent an international incident. Follow along with me. 1) I'm trying to build funny joke off a classic concept, BUT... 2) I've been binge watching Sherlock, which... 3)...has made me pretty frickin' smart. I'm a regular Mycroft's dad, which has led me to the following line of reasoning: a} it is expected to use an embarrassing nationality that everyone scoffs at, like Estonian or Danish or some shit, but... b} ...this forum is unexpectedly cosmopolitan, and with my luck, I'd make a riddle mocking Australians and the following scenario would play out: i)Jo McGurl would turn out to be the online persona of Rustle Crow ii)he would be so incensed by my hilarious but very inflammatory riddle that he would seek me out IRL to fight me iii)I would kick his butt so hard that Australia would go to war with Louisiana iv)Dixon would have his foot blown off kicking a land-mine out of the way, saving Drew Brees from a cowardly attack by Rupert Murtock. So to save everyone a lot of time and hassle, I anonymized the joke so that everyone could imagine their least favorite nationality, like Welsh or whatever, I don't know. Anyway, your answer of greater than or equal to two is correct.

Rage Against the Machine* is playing at a frat party** in Wisconsin***. *I hear they are full of rage **lots of banging, I've heard ***where they love anything that is served on a plate, I've heard Edit: Anastasia, I think you just went twice in a row. It's someone else's turn to ask a riddle. Here's mine: How many people from some dumb country, full of ignorant fat idiots, does it take to have sex in a lightbulb?

Hmmm. I think you've used up all your Earwolf likes, but are still working with the full complement of Earwolf hates. And that makes you angry?

I would like some ladies' gym shorts that say "looks like peach" on the back, and "nanayno" on the front. Edit: Not for me to wear, or anything. I would just like for such a thing to exist. Definitely not for me to wear in the privacy of my own home.

I liked watching Hayes on YouTube playing all those people. I really think he's the current Pacino.

I think you'd be a weird guy trying to make room in a circle of weird guys (including lady-guys, the weirdest type of guy). I don't especially use facebook either, but am checking it more regularly now that I have a new circle of weird (and funny and smart) friends who post a lot of rando nonsense at all hours of the day. So...I am arguably worse off now. Then again, Sean and Hayes are my facebook friends now, which fills me with feelings. Satisfaction, or validation or something.

Holy crap! I'm definitely never, ever, ever, going to watch it, but that sounds incredible. Edit: I've already broken my solemn promise. I'm watching it presently, and it is incredible.

Dear Betsy, Some people feel that sound engineers are dumb and bad. Can you speak on that?

Dear Betsy, Do you feel any resentment toward your siblings Amy and David for making so much comedic hay (and so much dollars) out of the details of dramatic and sometimes traumatic interactions within your family?

Spuds McKenzie. Where's the beef. Crying native american man. What do those sentences have in common? They are all references! Betsy, we aspiring comedians want to know: what is the funniest reference?

Dear Betsy, You hang around smart, funny comedians all the time. Can you explain why they all love the Aristocrats joke so much? To me, it's super gross and they aren't even acting like aristocrats.

CBB, I4H --> superego --> Matt Gourley ep--> all remaining eps--> lurked in forums and thought "if someone like Chanson can thrive in this environment, then I can definitely wow these nerds with my grammar knowledge and pedantry"--> jump cut to my current life as top funny forum commenter with an average of almost 2.7 likes per post.

My favorite is how when you write "not only" you are always supposed to follow it up wif "but also." Not only is it a very solid grammar, but also it is the name of a great British sketch comedy show starring Fry and Laurie.

I have poked literally hundreds, if not thousands of mosquitoes. With insect pins. My masters thesis research was on mosquitoes, and man did I poke them, but they poked me way more. If I recall correctly, they scrupulously did not take sides on feminism, so I think I'm in the clear.

Okay, I'm off to drink a beer and poke a hippo with a sharp stick. If I die, you can divvy up my likes between you. No, wait, donate them to Smile Train!

Well, probably. If I'm being honest, it's just one friend, and he quit being an actuary because he hated it. Edit: AFTER he made an everloving fuck-ton of dollars. Edit:I think you mean to say "the pageantry of these kinds of conversations." Edit: Some people call me Mister Pedantic. I think of myself as Mister Didactic. But the ladies call me Mister Boombastic.

Oh you! You're trying to get me wound up again, but I'm not going to fall for it. (OK seriously, I wasn't going to say anything but I have several good friends who are actuaries, and they'd be pretty pissed to hear their jobs described as "economics.")

I agree that these deadliness metrics (metrices?) need to be calibrated by locality, and possibly also by behavioral risk factors. If I were a teetotalling hippo trainer in Wisconsin, I would be fairly safe from mosquito-borne (deadly) diseases, hurricanes, and death from consumption of beer, and possibly also from hand grenades. Whereas if I were an alcoholic hippo trainer in sub-saharan Africa, I would be at significantly higher risk of dying from all of those things except hurricanes. (In the case of hippos, my job-based risk would be identical, but would have to be added to the higher baseline risk of encountering a wild hippo.) So if I am interpreting this thread of conversation correctly, we should all move to Wisconsin, quit drinking beer, and become hippo trainers.

Statistics ARE the analyses of numerical datums. Statistics AM the results of these analyses. Also, either could be wrong depending on my interpretation of what you were trying to say. Caught! (Nice one, me. Thanks.)

Hahah! So sick.

Grammars ARE fun. Guys.

Ahem. "Statistics ARE fun." Edit: In the case of beers and hand grenades, which are both countable objects*, trying to compare the deadliness of the object is a different thing from comparing the deadliness of using the object. I think it is valid to consider all of the grenades that have been produced but never used, which would weigh downward the deadliness of the hand grenade as a deadly item. The same thing is true for beer. Also, would you say that taking a sip of beer constitutes "using it" or do you have to finish it? Because I know lots of people who don't always finish an entire beer, but it is very hard to only partially use a hand grenade. People say that mosquitoes are the deadliest animal which is certainly true based on the raw number of people they have killed. But by the approach you're espousing, the death rate per mosquito is miniscule because there are so fricken' many of them out there. In fact hippos would probably be more deadly because the number of people killed per hippo is high (they kill hundreds of people and hippos are themselves not very numerous). So lets all go get hippo vaccines! Edit: *Beer, the liquid, is not a countable object, and perhaps that is the answer we need. Treat beer consumed as a continuous variable, accounting for sips, unfinished beers, and beers consumed in units other than a can or bottle. Hand grenade uses can be analyzed as a discrete variable.

Did you image search it with safety off? Because I bet it isn't just a comedy club...

Sex on the beach is so dangerous! That's how the crocodile hunter died I think - he was speared to death by a stingray, mid-boof while he was distracted. Also, statistically, hurricanes and hand grenades probably kill a lot fewer people than beer. There's probably at least five ways a beer could kill you. You could drown in a big vat of beer, you could have a beer fall on your head from a hot air ballooon or the top of a tall building, a drunk driver could startle you, making you choke on the beer you are drinking, you could loff at a funny joke and spit your beer on a stranger who turns out to be a mean murderer, you could drink the last beer in the fridge and infuriate your roommate who turns out to be a big murderer, you could be allergic to gluten and die from having a beer wif gluten in it. Meanwhile, I've been through at least five actual hurricanes (Ivan, Katrina, Dennis, Ike, Cindy, and Gustav) in which nothing bad happened to anybody. To be fair, I've also lived in New Orleans for 13 years now and never had a hurricane (the drink). That shit is for tourists, give me a Sazerac every day. Edit: I forgot Hurricane Rita. That brings it up to at LEAST five.