Spunky Foonerism

I've also never seen live comedy. I'm okay with it, because I'm a super serious person and don't really like funny things. People around me say "Lets go see a comedian and laugh at him." I typically reply, "Fuck off, and go 'have fun.' I don't even know you. I'm going to sit in a graveyard and read some Emily Dickinson poems."

His spirit form is a hurricane, so that could easily be worked out. He's pretty wise and dignified, until you take a leash out, at which point he acts like a damn idiot. What kind of advice are you looking for? Here are a few freebies: On treats. "You are allowed to have a treat anytime something happens, like getting brushed, or your nails clipped, or if you bark at the mailman. It is worth a try to just stand looking at the door of the treat cabinet. It helps to be fluffy." On meals. "Try a little bit from each bowl. One might be way better than the other." On tricks. "Never let them know that you understand and know how to do a trick. Maybe if it's for a piece of salmon, but not for anything less than that." On cats. "They seem great, and I really want one. I probably won't eat it, but we won't know until we try! Give me a cat please."

Thanks! I only give him a 3/4. (I can joke about it, because he's my friend.)

Here's another photo proving that both Ross and Hurricane Dennis live with me. The third dog is Jackson, my wife's dog. He dead. PS it's an old photo. I wear shirts now, and also have a grown-up sofa. My wife made me get it. She's also the one who makes me wear shirts. This is what you have to look forward to, whippersnapperers. Go topless while you still can, and enjoy your sweet futon! Do it for me, and all the other old people with sofas that came from a god damned furniture store! Also play with your dogs a lot, because they get old some day. Play with your cats too, if they enjoy that. I don't know.

Here's a photo of me that proves Ross is really my dog, and I'm not just poaching celebrity dog photos from the internet.

This is Hurricane Dennis. He also thinks he's pretty great. He listens to podcasts, but he only likes Nerd Poker and the Jalen Rose Report. He's at least ten years old, and he had to have one of his legs cut off last spring because of cancer. It's really hard for him now, because when I give him a yogurt cup to lick out, he can't brace it between his front paws and it rolls away from him. That seems to be the only problem, but it's nothing to take lightly. As I think about it, it is mostly harder for me, because I have to hold the yogurt cup until he's done licking it.

This is Ross. He's almost 13. He thinks he's SO great. He doesn't even listen to podcasts.

No that would be silly. But I do picture you with an eye-patch and goatee. And whiskers.

I don't know why, but I picture you looking a lot like Jason Mantzoukas.

Just watched that youtube you suggested, and it WAS fun! I'm starting to buy into the "real" voice/face matchup...I think everything is going to be okay. On a related note, you guys probably have a certain idea about my appearance from the way I type my comments. If you see me in a google-hangout setting, it's going to blow your minds.

Just listened to some Haim Slides, and I listened on iTunes, which I never ever do. I have a vague notion that iTunes listens are more potent somehow. Anyway, I give Haim Slides one thumb up...on each hand! I need to go back and watch the forbidden video version though. I have a weird mental block because I saw S & H's photos without knowing which was which, and just assumed which voice came from which person for the first few weeks. Wrongly, as it turns out, but with absolute certainty. My brain resolutely persists in believing that Sean's voice HAS to be coming from that blonde guy. I'm totally serious about this - learning that Hayes is actually the blonde guy has messed me up and confused both my thoughts and my emotions about the podcast. To say nothing of deciding which one is my favorite host! Anyway, I hope that watching the video will either fix this problem or will send me spiraling into despair and loathing for the whole show. In the latter case, bye everybody, it's been real fun/confusing!

You go ahead and be as bad as you wanna be. Edit: if you google hangout naked, astride a motorcycle with a basketball over your redacted, I will contribute $50 to a HH ad on CBB. $51 if you don't have the basketball.

Hmm. Putting the burger between two pieces of bread would definitely make it easier to choke on. PS I feel like you are making a reference to the show, which I don't listen to, but I'm going to like it because I want you to like me. Quid pro bono, and lorem ipsum and all that. PPS Salmon burger sandwich! Hahahaha! That's hilarious for reasons that I totally understand!

Even if you and Ska Talkerman both say the show isn't going to be cancelled, I can't help thinking, "But what if it is?" First of all, if it WAS cancelled, this is exactly how it would start: by unexpectedly not having a show for a week. Second of all, I don't have a followup. Honestly, it wouldn't bother me that much because I don't listen to the show, except I'm afraid that if it gets cancelled, then you all will stop hanging out in the forum and liking some of the things I write, and I'll have to go back to having friends in the real world. I'd rather choke on a salmon burger! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to make a salmon burger. I'm not planning to choke on it, yet, but I will if I have to.

I'm no expert, but I am getting the strong impression that it's like Chat Roulette, except it seems to rely very heavily on email addresses, and it isn't mandatory that all participants be masturbating. I think as long as at least one person is masturbating at all times the chat will be allowed to proceed.

Like this post if you like me, but don't, like, LIKE-like me. Like like like. No likey no washy. Likety-split. Like Titicaca. I like big butts and I cannot lie. Just kidding. P.S. I wish I could give multiple likes to the post about liking email addresses.

One mill = the number of legs on a millipede. Which can be anywhere from 34 to 750. So we could be in good shape already, depending on what species of "mill" we're talking about. I nominate Harpaphe haydeniana, which is snazzy looking and smells like almonds. The females have 62 legs, the males have 60 plus two legs that are modified into gonopods for transferring sperm. If we use this species, we're well over four mill already!

Ahah! So THAT's how you are able to afford to belong to all those expensive subscriber-only forums! I'm sponsored by Red Bull, so technically I'm not answerable to Sean or Hayes. That's why you'll only get the hottest, most honest takes from me. Edit: Speaking of hot, honest takes, I'm disappointed that there isn't a new show this week, but I hope that the guys are refreshing their energy to make an extra good show for next week. I don't care about ruffling feathers, that's just how I feel.

Hey, when it comes to talking about not doing drugs, even once is one time too many. Zero tolerance! Just say NO to talking about not doing drugs. Also, I thought he mentioned it twice, but I am wrong a whole lot.

The way I see it, now we have no choice but to discuss other podcasts for the next week. If we take this week-long betrayal as an opportunity to exact petty and disproportionately brutal revenge, then Sean and Hayes will undoubtedly learn the valuable lesson that fans are fickle and cruel, and will consequently never disappoint us again. So did anybody else listen to the Naked Scientist this week? Alternatively, we could hatch a plot to kidnap them and force them to perform a live show for us in the basement of an abandoned hospital. If we go this route, I'm going to have to insist that nobody who is involved can use their real name. Dibs on Bruce Reid Robinson II.

I didn't like how Ben Shortz kept bragging about how he doesn't do any drugs. We get it, Ben! You're cool because you don't do drugs! God, give it a rest already.

Not outright, but I think I can swing it with a layaway plan. Wish me luck!

You know me, I like my shows like I like my women. With two colons.

Also, I'm the type of dude who'll slow-dance as close to a girl as I want, and I feel like the Rad Bible would never try to get in the way of that.

Exactly! I feel like the author of that Bible really gets me, and understands my life which is mainly centered around sick kickflips.