Spunky Foonerism

I looked her up. She definitely is hot, but doesn't seem as deeply grouchy as Catherine Keener, so I'm afraid she can't be my imaginary girlfriend. Will you break the news to her for me? I'm terrible at that kind of stuff.

Catherine Keener is my number-one imaginary girlfriend. She is beautiful, and also seems very grouchy but maybe with a heart of gold. Which is how I like my coffee (and also my women). I don't know who Mary Steenburgen is, but she sounds hot.

I like the evil version interpretation. I presumed it was a mean hazing nickname, along the lines of Waahmbulance. But then I guess that would be Waahnastasia.

I don't know, it's a famously cantankerous and reclusive magazine. It was basically published once and never heard from again.

#ff ? I never realized that was the fartface emoji. Edit: Hahahah!

Bag of tomatoes: "One bite of our delicious tomatoes will send you straight to Heaven." Me: "I knew it! Tomatoes ARE poisonous!" Also, with all the taxes I pay, I think the least I can expect is for someone from the National Institute of Standards and Technology to sit down and work something out between the people who make bread and the people who make sandwich bags. Because they are different sizes -- the bags are too small. These jokes are based on a true story. When writing comedy, it's important to start from a place of personal experience, and this morning I personally experienced making a sandwich. Edit: I'm not done listening to today's ep, when I'm done with it I'll let you know if it was good or not. Hold your horse's.

If you're feeling blue, you could always go back to the preceding page and look at my joke again. That's what its there for after all.

I probably should have got one too, but I guess he didn't understand my joke.

Here's a special joke I made, to help out anybody who got laid off from their job at the theatre, or who is antsy with antsipation of tomorrow's new ep, or who has some other fucked up problem. Ready? Here goes. Some people think that gays should be able to marry whoever they want. I think that's totally messed up, and that the other person should have to agree to it. The end. In conclusion, I hope this little joke has brightened your day.

I decided to verify this for myself, since I'm not a god-damned SHEEP! ...anyway, I re-listened to the Middleditch episode and it really is very, very good. Still.

Two things. One, and I don't mean to be a downer here, canaries are not famed for their ability to smell dangerous gases as much as for their ability to die very rapidly when exposed to dangerous gases. So unless you have THAT ability, you are not entitled to the nickname "Canary." Two, yes I Boggle, and I'm puh-retty good at it. Also, I've written a bunch of quote-acrostic puzzles (also known as the much more complicated and less popular cousin of the crossword puzzle), and those require some serious anagramming. I can expound at length about making puzzles if anyone is interested. Or if nobody is interested, I can save it as a punishment for a future time when I'm mad at everyone.

On the serious tip, "Staz" is a fuckin' boss nickname. It's going to be hard to do much better.

I am really really good at coming up with nicknames, it's pretty much what I'm best at. But instead of doing that, I'm going to list a few of my favorite anagrams for Anastasia Vigo: Aviation Sagas Vaginas to Asia I, Avian Goat Ass Edit: Asia's Giant Ova

I really like the idea of representing yourself as a big anthropomorphic pencil, in very real and not funny situations. "It's ok, Dixon, just show me on this pencil where he touched you."

This might make things a little tougher for you. Hurricane Dennis LOVES cats. He loves to chase them, at least, and we aren't sure if he would love to eat them or keep them as his special best friends. Nevertheless, he is firmly on team cat. Also, for the weekly HD update, here's an old picture from before the thing happened to his leg: And a bonus photo of Ross the Dog, from back when he was young and spry and thought he was some sort of bird who could fly all the way to the beach without getting wet:

This message is for Dixon only, nobody else look at it please!

It was a fine logo update - I mean, it's no gently swaying animated mug, but they can't all be home runs.

I did! I have no interest in the team, but I'm always excited to be introduced to a new shade of orange. I give it 3 out of 5 rollouts, but only 5 out of 9 rebrands.

That's so sick!

From the sound of Tim catching that water, I feel like it must have been pretty rad (It got an extended "Wow!" from Hayes). I wish I could have seen it. Those in attendance, can you share some details? Was it a one-handed catch, or did he whip off his hat and make a basket catch, or what? How big of a water was it?

How much of a Chan-fan (Fanson?) were you initially? Like, you were at 100, and now you're down to 98? Or you started at 5 and are down to 3?

I'm no chronographist, but I think you could manage it by starting any time prior to 10am.

I just wanted to be the first one to say that today's CBB made me not only laughing but also crying. Edit: The first one to say it here, where it counts. Apparently CBB has its own forum, akin to this one, and a few other people have probably posted similar sentiments there.

That's clearly been 'shopped. There's no other way you could fit that many celebrities into a single selfie, unless you had some sort of futuristic super-phone.

I recorded the Super Bowl, and today I finally have some free time to watch it. So I'll be live-tweeting that.