Spunky Foonerism

Happy Birthday Chansin! How many are you now? Edit: Not that anyone ASKED, but I am this many.

Adult sudoku? I like the sound of that!

Sean, I proposed to my wife at a very fancy restaurant, and I was pretty sure she knew what was up because I never do things like make reservations or take her out to fancy dinner. So the ring was in its little velvet box, you know how that goes, but the velvet box came nested inside a fancy little cardboard box. So at dinner, I had the ring/velvet box in my pocket, but I put the cardboard ring box on the seat next to me. I did it very casually, but put it where she'd eventually see it. Sooo...she noticed it, and as expected, couldn't stay cool about it. She asked if she could see what was in the box. I said, "Huh? Oh, yeah, sure. Open it up if you want." So she opened the cardboard ring box and found a little rubber dog poop that I'd put in there. Edit: Then i gave her the real ring box right after and she said yes and we got married. Edit: So you and I are very similar and have similar senses of humor and would be great friends if circumstances were different and we had a chance to get to know each other. Edit: Not that I care, I have lots of perfectly good friends already. I'm just saying, I get you like nobody else and your podcast appearances are definitely all special messages directed specifically at me.

I like doughboys now.

With Adam Pallies like these, who needs Adam Enemies, right?

We almost never get to hear the boys take sides on any of the controversial issues of our day. What a treat to hear them finally get political on Hard Nation, and to learn what they REALLY think about Hillary and Donald.* *(Clinton and Trump, respectively)

These Hayes and Sean fellows are delightful. DELIGHTFUL!

I bet you didn't think I'd get a forum post in before the new episode drops. Well since nobody is ever going to see this, I'm going to tell you haters what I REALLY think. You can go suck a fuck, you dick lickers! Why don't you eat thirty shits, you fart-burglars! Never doubt me! OK see you in the next thread, very excited for a new episode.

I'm not sure what you guys are talking about, but regardless, I don't think its cool to make fun of someone for wanting to protect their baby.

I won't believe you mean it until you give a specific reason each forum member is wonderful. Here's an easy one to get you rolling: start with me.

Another Tuesday, another podcast to listen to. It feels like we're running to stand still here, folks! What about all those big dreams we had when started listening to things? If you asked your young self what you hoped to be listening to in 2016, I seriously doubt that starry-eyed kid would have said "The 154th episode of a podcast." That kid still had fire in her/his ears! That kid had passion and ambition! That kid would say "I'm going to listen to the biggest noise in the world!" or perhaps "I'm going to listen to an ALIEN podcast, in a colony on the MOON!" I think we can do better, that's all I'm saying. Listen big, people! Edit: Don't take it personally Sean and Hayes, this isn't about you. The show was great, as usual. *yawn* Edit: If you DO want to help, though, maybe try adding some new kinds of noises next episode. Maybe some weird animals or something.

I came into today's episode ready to just hate it. I love the show, I'm a huge fan, but my philosophy is all about moving forward, never backward, so hearing that they'd be reverting to the old format made me really furious. Then a funny thing happened. I think we're all familiar with the expression, "If you prejudge things, you're being prejudiced. It's basically just two forms of the same word, I can't believe I have to explain this to you." And you know what? That expression is dead right. Not only was this episode funny, I enjoyed the nice guest who seemed like she'd be a funny and nice person to hang out with, outside the context of podcast. Let this be a lesson to all of us, including me, about prejudging things before i've experienced them. Sean and Hayes taught me that whether its trying to recapture our past triumphs or simply enjoying a nostalgic moment together, sometimes it's ok to move backwards in life. I'm a little relieved to be making this change in my life's philosophy. Only allowing yourself to move forward is a real pisser when you're trying to navigate a crowded parking lot, believe me. Edit: SteveH your list of funny breads is good, but you need to make room at the top for potato slider buns.

I'm going to start an oceanography research organization to find the best sea creatures. I'm going to call it "Sea Hunt."

Dear Jen, After I peed my pants on stage at the awards ceremony, I was king of the school for like a whole week. My guidance counselor was telling me some shit about "laughing with vs at" but the way I see it, laughs is laughs. My question for you is, Am I right or am I right? Up top, dawg!

Dear Jim, I'm moving to Atlanta and I don't know anyone there. Can I use comedy to make friends? Alternatively, can I use comedy to deflect aggression and ingratiate myself with bullies?

Dear Jen, How important is it to make a woman come?

I would like vladislav to be a guest on either CBB the podcast, or CBB the TV show. After that, I'd like him to have his own weekly podcast. I donated 50 big ones one time, so you owe me this Scripps!

That'd be a damned shame! I know how much forum janitor Gus is looking forward to having his hand peed on at the retirement ceremony.

I've identified an empty podcasting niche now that Hollywood Handbook is over. Here's my pitch: imagine two funny hosts. I'm thinking a Sean-type, with maybe a classic Hayes as co-host to heighten the antics. (I'm open to suggestions, but for now I'm thinking Sean and Hayes. I mean, I've heard they work for cheap, and we know they aren't busy haha.) OK, so what are these hosts doing? They are cracking wise! They are telling funny jokes and stories! They are roasting the engineers! Here's the unique twist...they never have ANY guests. Guests just slow down the show and they don't even reliably show up. (In fact, Ive heard some hot insider goss that flaky guests are what tanked a VERY popular podcast not too long ago. I'm not going to say which one, but trust me, you'd know it.) Plus, with no guests just think of the savings on lottery tickets! It would be a streamlined, low-overhead money-making machine. Scripps, you've got my number.

Nah, man. We good.

Speaking of Mary Worth and non sequeters, my mom figured out that she could download high res images of comic strip panels. She would take single panels from soap opera comics, ones that are extremely bizarre out of context, like the last panel above, and print and frame them. There are a bunch of them on the wall in her dining room, but the I can only recall one of them right off the dome. It's an extreme close-up of a young woman holding what was probably a microphone but could also be a lollipop, and saying "Hot dogs are full of chemicals and chicken beaks." P. S. Thanks for all the puppies and kitties! If you ever need a like from me, that's a very reliable way to get it (unless your pet is ugly). Certainly much more reliable than trying to be clever or funny.

That's a tent caterpillar nest! They hang out in there when they're little and spin that nest together for protection from predators. Eventually they all get big enough that they have to leave the nest to find enough food.

I wouldn't mind seeing a nice picture of somebody's doggy. I have three dogs, one of them is old and his back is going out, the second one is old and has three legs and bone cancer, and the third one is so old and has so much cancer that he is actually dead. It's not an old doggy competition, I'm just saying that I can sympathize about doggies and their health issues and etc. Also I win. I'm moving to Atlanta soon! How's that for sharing something real about myself that maybe you didn't already know? I'm sad about leaving New Orleans, but I'm excited to start fresh in a new city.

Ming might be my all-time favorite CBB character. This episode is the first in a long time that had me ROFLMAOing my ass off, all over the floor.

I listened to this episode expecting to learn more about the real-life Sean and Hayes, and to have them hilariously derail the show. Boy, was I disappointed...that it wasn't longer! Because it was exactly what I expected all along! What you have just read is an advanced technique that I call "the reverse Shyamalan." Sorry if I just blew your mind.