Spunky Foonerism

Jes, Your TV Guide bio states that you started studying dance at age three, modeled in Miami and Milan, and got your degree in international business. Did following this path make it easy to achieve Hollywood stardom? I'm asking for a friend who is an aspiring actress, because she's creeping up on age three pretty fast and has some big decisions to make.

I know its a whole new world now, in which six-hundos are commonplace, but still, a three-hundo and its only Thursday! I guess what I'm trying to say is...gosh! And also, dang! Edit: And also, CHAAAAANNNSOOOON! You got me. Edit: If I hadn't added the "dang" I think I'd have squeaked in ahead of you. That old gypsy Romany woman did warn me that my wordiness would be my downfall.

My improv group from Nigeria is called "Rando Humor."

My Hawaiian improv group is called "Alohahahahahaha [means both hellohohoho and goodbye]."

Well I'd do the exact same thing, and also when he was walking away I'd say, "Hey Jude, when you're making my salad, don't make it bad." Because I think that my waiter goes into the back and makes my salad, which is a funny misunderstanding.

You don't know that. He might have been coming to that restaurant and hassling Jude with that lame joke every night for YEARS. In which case, it would transform, Family Man-style, into a long-form repetition joke that is actually totally meta and funny. And then when Jude finally poisons him to death, the darkly twisted real punchline would finally play out. I am loving this joke more and more! Totally worth the effort, 10/10 would loff.

Wait, you can DO that? Genius. I just hope for your sake that Dan Engler Gabe never finds out.

I see where you're coming from, but I always picture PFT sleeping in some variation of this guy:

I've reached my quota of positive votes, but I also this question me too.

Anastasia, this may be too late to be useful, but hopefully your [redacted] will have another birthday someday. For Christmas I got six of these - one for each sibling plus one for my step-D. I also received one as a gift (thanks for taking the hint, family!) and it is SO FUCKIN' RAD I CAN'T...hang on, getting too fired up, must go play with my Spirograph. I'm back. Anyway, my point is it's a fun toy and anyone would love it unless they were some kind of weirdo.

Ok, started listening at morning time, had to take a long break, just listened to the end. Aaaaaaand it was a good ep. Everybody tried really hard (except Engineer Sam, but I'm assuming that is as hard as he's able to try, so good job Sam?). Also, now that I've heard the end, I get all the forum comments about changing user names. I'm not doing it, because I jumped on board right when the hosts stopped interacting with the forum participants so they've definitely never seen my name before!

It's abundantly clear that the hosts and guests aren't enjoying it, and for that reason I'd honestly feel guilty if I enjoyed the Hollywood Handbook. Thank goodness I hate it!

I really like the long pauses while everybody is trying to stifle their laughter and failing. It helps me to know which parts are the most funny. I mean, maybe I wouldn't have laughed the hardest at those exact parts, but these guys are professional comedians and so if they are cracking up that clues me in to the true funniness. I don't know, but I suspect they are doing it on purpose to help we audience to understand comedy better.

I never had a trusted adult jerk me off at camp. I didn't trust that guy for one second!

I just started listening. Did a trusted adult try to jerk him off at camp? Am I the only one this didn't happen to?

But I like THIS thread! Also, area code for NH! Woohoo!

I just noticed that this truck says k-stools on it, if you squint just right. I once had a dream of starting a tool company and naming it S-tools. I also wanted to start a company called Safety First Productions with the slogan "Where quality is job two."

1. I would want my birthday to move back to its normal date in July. 2. I was helping a friend on a construction job and we listened to Depeche Mode, U2, and...the Lemonheads. It's the first time I have ever worked with this guy for an entire day without listening to the Pogues. Edit: Just want to get this in. I know it's early, but if I walk away from the computer for a few minutes I'm afraid I'll miss my chance.

It was the one on Magazine, but back in the first year that it was open. They cleaned it up pretty quickly, so it hasn't been there for several years now. My poopdar, which is usually pretty reliable, gave me the very strong impression that it was human poop. Then again, maybe the "real life" dog whisperer trained his dogs to do the unimaginable and produce human poop? The world is a very big and strange place, full of mysteries. Why do they call him the real life dog whisperer? Is the one on tv not real? I thought he was real. His show is considered "reality television" so I'm pretty distressed about this.

I learned a fourth pee joke today. That's going in my diary and I'll be using the special glow-in-the-dark crayon! I'm hesitant to tell this story, since Hurricane Dennis has earned a lot of goodwill on this forum, but he has peed on a person's leg on at least three occasions. He pees on stuff like its his job. He might actually believe that it is his job. He probably would pee on Master P (like from your joke), and then tell him "woof*." This could really happen, since Master P is from New Orleans. *Dog language for "Master P, meet the P Master."

I once encountered a fresh poop right in the doorway of the Whole Foods in New Orleans. I am quite sure that it was a human poop, it was right by the automatic doors from the parking garage into the building, not a place anyone would have a reason to bring an animal. My question was whether it was the result of a poop emergency, or a rage/revenge poop targeted toward Whole Foods. My followup question was if it was a revenge poop, did the person bring it in a bag and put it there, or were theybrave/crazy/angry enough to squat down between the sliding doors and poop right on the spot. I saw it at the same time as a poor store worker and we both looked at it and then he looked up at me and I just gave him the solemn nod that says "Yep. That's a poop, and it is probably going to be up to you to deal with it. Sorry, friend." Then I silently edged past him and the poop and bought some groceries.

I was also a bed peer (pee-er?) until pretty late. I still have a paranoid freakout sometimes when I dream about going to the bathroom, because that's how my brain used to trick my lazy body into not waking up and getting out of bed. It's ok, you're at a toilet, go ahead and pee, it will be fine! Stupid trickster brain. Also, my sister apparently took it as a point of pride to get so drunk that she peed the bed. She and her cool friends called it "P'ing the B." Which does make it seem pretty cool. I also know a couple pee based jokes. One is for a bumper sticker for a car that is parked next to a swimming pool, and it says "Welcome to our swimming ool. Notice that it doesn't have a letter P. That's intentional, and let's please keep it that way." The other joke is that a little kid is reciting the alphabet in class and she says "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ." The teacher asks "where's the P?" and she says "Notice that my alphabet has no P in it, let's please keep it that way." Oh, and another joke is that one guy says to another guy, "Say 'mother may I' and then spell 'cup,'" and the second guy says "Mother may I C-U." The first guy asks him why he didn't finish spelling 'cup,'" and the first guy replies, "You'll notice that my cup has no P in it. Please stop peeing in my cup." And that's all the pee jokes I know.

Agreed. I have a depressing number of shit-related stories from this group of college friends. It was a club sports team, so with lots of drunken bro shenanigans, and none of the oversight that a legitimate team would have. I proudly stand behind 98...no, make it 95% of the pranks and debauchery, but I'm not really down with poop stuff. That's how you transmit diseases. And it really smells bad. Edit: Also it was really bad that he tried to make the girl think she'd pooped, and that he didn't stay and clean up or be honest about it.

I have a friend (not me, I PROMISE) who drunkenly pooped in the bed, but woke up before the girl did. He snuck out and left a note that said "I can't believe how disgusting you are." I'm not sure how successful he was at tricking her into thinking she'd shit the bed, but he definitely succeeded in being the worst person ever.