EPISODE 102 — Joe Wengert Again, Our Close Friend

[EPISODE 102 — Joe Wengert Again, Our Close Friend]

You don't get to decide when its the last post.

[EPISODE 102 — Joe Wengert Again, Our Close Friend]

Here are my top five favorite kinds of lists.

 

5) top ten lists

4) when a ship is kind of leaning over to the side a little bit

3) top 5 lists

2) end of the year lists of things that are out/in for the new year

1) unordered lists

[EPISODE 102 — Joe Wengert Again, Our Close Friend]

 

 

Gourley's great. i feel weird listening to his podcasts a lot now though, because he is my professor

 

The weird part is you masturbating during them. Just stop doing that and you should be fine.

[EPISODE 102 — Joe Wengert Again, Our Close Friend]

I've tried and tried, but in the end I just really hate podcasts, guys. I mean, it's just people talking. Am I missing something?

 

Honestly, I think the only thing I have in common with you weirdos is my love of forums.

[EPISODE 102 — Joe Wengert Again, Our Close Friend]

Hands made of steel.

Karate chop your whole block.

Crowds gather as I smash your girl.

Pitching mound at Yankee Stadium.

Derek Jeter smiles at me.

Thanks Derek. Your smile makes me smile.

Anti-gravity boots begin to malfunction.

I'm sorry Earth, this is my goodbye.

Hideki Matsui hands me alien porno tape for the long trip.

Wow Hideki this is some good stuff.

I masturbate for 8 years.

8 years.

Tape breaks. But I am home.

Wife doesn't have dinner ready.

Police arrive to arrest her.

Wife laughs, uses her witchcraft.

3 dead cops.

1 sad man.

I'm just hungry, that's all.

 

Look you probably don't need me telling you what you already know but this poem is so legit. My old man teaches a section on poetry to his middle-school english class, and I showed this to him to get some professional feedback. He said, "There is no way I could use this, it's totally inappropriate for 12-year-olds."

 

So legit.

[EPISODE 102 — Joe Wengert Again, Our Close Friend]

Jacob, we considered it very carefully, as a community, and decided that it would be for the best if you didn't use that image extension. It's not personal, we simply have to think about what's best for everyone.

 

I am sorry you had to find out this way. Anastasia was supposed to send you a personal message about it.

[EPISODE 102 — Joe Wengert Again, Our Close Friend]

Hi. I've never commented before. I don't know how to establish my cred. But I have it. Piles of it.

 

Anyway, I just realized, as I was walking to work listening to a podcast whose host is a forum member of a forum for a podcast that I like, that I should probably tell the host of that podcast that I liked his podcast where the guest, who is the host of that podcast with the forum of which the host of this podcast is a member, talked about a different podcast on which this host of the podcast with the forum was a guest. So to that end: greggy, I liked your podcast with Hayes and your funny kid.

 

I feel like this new guy is going to bring some much-needed cred to the forum.

[EPISODE 102 — Joe Wengert Again, Our Close Friend]

Listening to this week's Hollywood Handbook episode made me laugh so hard I injured my back.

 

Listening to this week's Podcasts are Wonderful also made me laugh but in the exact opposite way, and it healed my back.

[EPISODE 102 — Joe Wengert Again, Our Close Friend]

I'm no entomologist, but I am a self-proclaimed bug guy, and I concur with everything Mr. Foonerism says.

I appreciate the support Jake, you are well known as one of the top bug guys on the whole forum.

[EPISODE 102 — Joe Wengert Again, Our Close Friend]

As an entomologist I can confirm that Sean is exactly right about the distinction between bees and wasps with regard to their stinging behavior. Bees have barbed stingers, so that when the stinger penetrates your skin it can't be withdrawn back out without ripping out the entire sting and venom apparatus. If the bee is knocked off your skin, that whole mechanism remains in place, continuing to pump venom into your skin, but also effectively eviscerating the bee. Most wasps have smooth stingers which can easily be withdrawn from the skin with no harm to the wasp, but their sense of remorse is much more heightened than a bee's. Ultimately, the effect is very similar since the wasp will usually use its own stinger to rip out its own guts.

 

Here are some photos which illustrate what I'm talking about:

 

Stinger of a paper wasp.

 

Stinger apparatus of a honeybee.

[EPISODE 101 — The Grease Knows Eggs Show with Jesse Thorn]

Someone posted in the comments for that AV club article that Nathan Rabin had written an article about the Pauly Shore ep of HH for splitsider. Sure enough, he had! The internet truly is all connected, like some kind of big web.

[EPISODE 101 — The Grease Knows Eggs Show with Jesse Thorn]

Dear Allan,

 

In movies, you never see any zombie dicks or titties flopping around, so does that mean that zombies still retain at least some shred of personal dignity? I sure hope so.

[EPISODE 101 — The Grease Knows Eggs Show with Jesse Thorn]

Dear Allan,

 

Yo-yo Ma-stiff

The Police (Dogs)

Andrew WK-9

Macy Greyhound

David Grayhound

The (b)Eagles

Bruce Spring(er Spaniel)steen

 

I don't really understand this game, but did I just win?

[EPISODE 101 — The Grease Knows Eggs Show with Jesse Thorn]

Dear Allan,

 

We get it. It is never ok to shake a baby. Fine. But can you please tell me, how old does a child have to be before it IS ok to shake it?

[EPISODE 101 — The Grease Knows Eggs Show with Jesse Thorn]

I forgot about my mound of jizz-receptacles hidden under a couch when i moved away for college

 

My mom's never said anything

 

I have a couple pretty major issues with this. First of all, you should not refer to your sexual partners as "jizz-receptacles," it's extremely disrespectful. Even more troubling, you should not murder your sex partners and leave them in a heap under your couch. It's disrespectful to your mom, if nothing else, because why should she have to clean up after you? I think you were raised better than that.

[EPISODE 101 — The Grease Knows Eggs Show with Jesse Thorn]

I think you mean "What?"

 

In my America we use question marks, and we don't pay our teachers adequately. Sorry. Love it or leave it, Holmes.

[EPISODE 100 — Aasif Mandvi, Our Big Get / Scott Ankerman, Our Business Rival]

Hollywood Handbook ruined my life and made it literally impossible for me to ever find employment or pass a background check. It did allow me to become a pseudo-celebrity in a very niche corner of the podcasting world and I am very thankful for that. Thanks, Hayes and Sean.

 

Woah, wait a minute...you're THE Chanson? From podcasts? Holy shit, dude, and all this time I've been talking to you like you're just a regular guy who has the same name as my podcast hero. Hey I've always wanted to know...how do you put your pants on in the morning? Both legs at once, I bet. So fuckin' cool.

[EPISODE 100 — Aasif Mandvi, Our Big Get / Scott Ankerman, Our Business Rival]

 

these dudes on reddit are winning the biggest fan contest.

 

Until I read your text under the picture, I thought that this was the left and right leg of a single person who got the same tattoo on each of his mismatched thighs. Now THAT would be a real fan. Two people, each getting only one tattoo? Big fuckin' deal.

 

Edit: You know who is the biggest fan? Me! I'm the biggest fan of Hurricane Dennis, aka Chomp Deathstar, aka baddest mo'fo in town.

 

[EPISODE 100 — Aasif Mandvi, Our Big Get / Scott Ankerman, Our Business Rival]

Now that there is a complete set of 100 shows, I think I should dive in and start listening. Any suggestions about which episode would be a good starting point? If I haven't listened to all the Reality Show Show episodes, will I "get it?"

[EPISODE 99 — Paul Rust Again, Our Close Friend]

If Andrew is a dick, and if thinking dicks are hilarious is a crime, then I don't ever wanna be right.

 

 

I mean, dicks are hilarious, right? No sane person would dispute that.

[EPISODE 99 — Paul Rust Again, Our Close Friend]

2nd one is short and pretty straight forward. 3rd is longer and very graphic.

 

 

 

Sounds like what I've got in my pants right now!* Hahaha.

 

*(my dick, and a sharpie marker, in case that wasn't clear)

[EPISODE 99 — Paul Rust Again, Our Close Friend]

Woah! Jan, you Dutch bro? Your avatar says you are from Europe. Which is it?

[EPISODE 99 — Paul Rust Again, Our Close Friend]

Speaking of "Hey guys..."

 

Hey, guys! I was just wondering, who is everybody's dream guest for HH?

 

For me I think it's probably Ken Jeong. Did you know he is an actual medical doctor?! It would be so great to have him on the show, because I've been saving up lots of health-related questions. Honestly, if I don't get a chance to ask a real doctor about them pretty soon, it could be pretty bad for me.

 

Edit: Oh man, also we could ask him if different kinds of things are racist! How funny would THAT be? Think about it. It works on two levels.

[EPISODE 99 — Paul Rust Again, Our Close Friend]

So this is the first page everybody's so excited about. It's nice...not worth staying up till 2 in the morning for, to be honest.

[Episode 98 — John Cochran Again, Our Close Friend]

Devious may be a bit of an overstatement Houston. If I remember correctly the term originated when Samantha got totally fucked up at that one party and yakked all over Trevor's mom's white couch. Gross, yes. Hilarious, yes. Dark, yes, because she had just eaten WAY too much chocolate cake. Devious? Not sure. I mean, yes it was devious of them to try throwing a massive kegger while Trevor's mom was at that orthopedists' conference in Minneapolis. But kids are going to be kids, and anyway, Trevor kind of had to host the party since the O'Flannahannerty brothers' parents cancelled their vacation at the last minute. It would have been so much better at their house, because of their sick swimming pool, but it was still pretty fun. That Samyak was legendary.