Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

 

I don't understand your point.

 

If there's one thing that comedy's about, it's about winning and surprises

 

It's called a compliment, and it means that I liked the thing you did that I referred to. Don't overthink it.

 

Edit:

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

I think I would miss the seasons if I went to L.A. But I would like the earthquakes. But I would hate Venice Beach. But I would like USC football games. But I would hate UCLA football games. But I would like the movie studios. But I would hate the LAPD. But I would like the palm trees. But I would hate all the beautiful young people. But I would like the racial tension. But mostly I think I would HATE. ALL. THE. TRAFFIC! Right?

 

Edit: to be clear, I'm talking about if I moved to Los Angeles. Because LA also stands for Louisiana, which is where I already do live. We have seasons here, sort of, and very few earthquakes.

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

Sean's scene in Parks and Rec had a real sense of ADR about it. I think this confirms the rumour I heard that Amy Poehler will start randomly screaming during filming if she feels any of the other actors are being funnier than her.

 

Everything I've heard about Amy Poehler is that she is super mean to everyone she meets, and that she loves nothing more than to step all over other people's jokes. Not very generous or adaptable as an ensemble comedian. I hope it's not true, because I hate to find out bad things about women that I think are pretty.

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

I started watching Transparent yesterday to see what all the fuss is about. Sorry feminists, but I have to say that Joffrey Tambourne plays a woman better than any actual woman that I've seen. Should he have won an award for best actor? Since I just learned about the whole spectrum thing, it seems like they should have at least 5 different acting categories.

• Best Actor
  
• Best supporting actor
  
• best actress
  
• best supporting actress
  
• best transactor
  
• best supporting transactor
  
• best transactress
  
• best supporting transactress
  

everyone gets a trophy

 

 

I like that you made a list of precisely eight categories and described it as "at least five."

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

I bought a $300 purse once*. It was the best purse I ever bought**.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*It wasn't for me, I am a man and don't use a purse. I use a courier bag.

 

**It was the only purse I've ever bought. But it seriously is a great purse.

 

Edit: Just to be clear, I'm not some kind of fancy rich guy. It was for a special occasion, and you wouldn't believe the number of bus station handjobs I had to give before I could buy it. Thirty.

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

yeah this week they sent me one of those single-dose packs of benadryl, 13 cialis, and a 50 gallon drum of thalidomide pills, i dont know how they can afford the shipping costs alone

Oof, I bet that benadryl made you real sleepy.

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

 

Or maybe just listen to it while I drive?

 

Listening to it might work, but only if you are expert at interpreting the sound of naked taters. If you're not confident about that, you should definitely gather as many of your co-workers or casual acquaintances together as possible and make them watch it with you.

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

I know a lot about vaccines because I give out hot beef injections all the time. Yowzah!

Blegh, no thanks. I'm a vegetarian*.

 

*Actually, I eat dairy, eggs and seafood. So if it's a hot milk, eggs and fish injection, I'd have to say "Blegh, yes please!"

 

Edit: Also, what insight does your hot beef injecting experience give you about vaccines? Do hot beef injections prevent you from turning into a hot cow? Do they give you "herd immunity?" Holy shit, I just thought of that one and it's very very funny.

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

Now that we're facebook friends, I've also learned that Greggy squirts yucky drink concentrates into his mouth, and that he rubs menthol balms on his nuts by accident all the time. So this revelation about blindly drinking vaccines isn't all that surprising.

 

Edit: New update from Facebook, he says it wasn't a accident. Social media!!!

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

Doctors look at the word vaccination and go "Uhhh more like vacation with all the money i got from this."

 

Yeah Spunky I know a guy that used to dispose of used needles and one time he scratched his arm with one and got autism. Get this. That was this day 10 years ago.

 

OMG I am literally freaking out right now.

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

I heard that the vaccine vaccine actually injects you with tiny researchers, and so it is more likely to cause the problem it purports to solve. Also, I heard that one guy got the vaccine vaccine and then he had assburgers.

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

My best friend is a doctor, and I'm not saying he tricks people into getting sick, but he is definitely a lying scumbag that everybody hates. I'm pretty sure that he only got to be a doctor because he is the fucking worst. In fact, when I tried to be a doctor, they told me I wasn't dishonest enough. And that you have to go to a special school for like ten years.

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

And what is KFC trying to pull with all these fried chickens?

 

When I was young there was only three kinds(because we threw the wings away!). Now there are friend chicken hamburger sandwich and wienies.

 

I knew this would happen with a [redacted] president.

Mmm. Too edgy.

 

Also, you wrote "friend chicken." Are you friends with lots of chickens? Hahaha!

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

I want to know if Sean and Hayes are having their kids vaccinated. In order to know whose example to follow, I have an intricate list of celebrities and their rankings. For instance, I try to do everything that Patricia Heaton does, unless that brings me into conflict with Jason Lee, in which case I go with him because he outranks her. Jim Carrey, Mayim Bialik and Billy Corgan are all anti-vaxxers, but Sean and Hayes outrank them so I'm going to wait and hope that I hear from them about it.

 

PS. My wife is firmly pro-vax, but first of all, she's a public health scientist and so is CLEARLY biased, and second, she is not even a celebrity.

 

PPS. I have no idea what I'll do if Sean and Hayes disagree. Maybe I'll vaccinate half of my children?

 

PPPS. I have no children, but it's best to have a plan already in place.

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

So do I still fit that? I want you to like me and I am a fan of the movie The New Guy.

No, don't like you, not even one little bit! #stillsarcastic #howboutthatsarcasmfontguys #oppositeday

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

 

I cat believe you sed that! tee hee hee !!

 

 

 

 

This post is great BUT, what about "Mr. Lova Lova"? It has the same repetitive rhythm and also gives me warm feelings downstairs.

I don't have a strong opinion regarding the "whatup, whatup" controversy, but I don't think it would be the worst thing in the world if Sean opened with "Gee wheeze, baby pleeze!"

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

Now THIS is appropriate introduction. I accept your apology, but only after acknowledging that it was necessary

Yeah, cause smart folks like us, we were never new. Only a big dumb idiot would be new to the forums. I say we kick out LydonDontCallMeLyndon IMMEDIATELY! #imbeingsarcastic #thereshouldbeasarcasmfont

 

 

Edit: Actually, I think I only like new guys. I'm bored of all you old guys, and that includes me. #stillbeingsarcastic

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

Mike doesn't have time for any nonsense, and I appreciate that! I think he brings a businesslike approach that is sorely missing from the forum.

[Episode 68 — Erin Gibson, Our Close Friend]

I keep having to pause and digest the goodness in small amounts, so I don't get a tummy ache in my brains. I'm pretty stuck on Anansi the frog. In fact, I would listen to an entire podcast series of Anansi the frog stories.

 

I also liked the facts about tapeworms, but I wish they could have lingered a little longer on comparing the show to a centipede.

 

PS sorry for the spoilers.

[Episode 67 — Jes Macallan, Our Close Friend]

 

This should be a euphemism, right?

So instead of saying "euphemism," we should say "winking pirate cat?" I like it.

 

Me: Hey, check out the badingle-dongles on THAT guy!

 

My acquaintance: Badingle-dongles?

 

Me: It's a winking pirate cat for testicles.

[Episode 67 — Jes Macallan, Our Close Friend]

He is extremely good-looking. That part is real. Pretty much everything else about his online persona is fake. He was never the most decorated US sniper in the Middle East, he never murdered some looters after Hurricane Katrina, and he never punched out Jesse Ventura. Also, he was never portrayed by Bradley Cooper in a recent Clint Eastwood film.

[Episode 67 — Jes Macallan, Our Close Friend]

Don't accept it! You're being catfished! Ross gets online and impersonates me while I'm at work!

 

Edit: Dogfished?

[Episode 67 — Jes Macallan, Our Close Friend]

I think you are joking wif us, but just in case...

 

Dear Mr. Schmidt,

Only one of the following names is fake, can you guess which one it is? The choices are Imogen Gay Poots, Joey Fatone, and Dick Butkus.

[Episode 67 — Jes Macallan, Our Close Friend]

He took my hand, tickled my palm with his middle finger, swung our hands side to side, then did the fresh prince/jazzy Jeff slap, snap and pshhh.

That is so fucking rad. My handshake analysis is that Sean is fucking rad.

[Episode 67 — Jes Macallan, Our Close Friend]

Bozos, I shook Sean's hand. It was firm and the appropriate length of hold. Good and fine and normal. Tim? Did you guys shake?

You can certainly tell a lot about someone from their handshake. Speaking of which, did Sean go for the traditional up-and-down shake, or did he employ the more trendy side-to-side or forward-and-back approach?