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The absolute pinnacle of Nicolas Cage disasters, with equally miserable performances by Michael Biehn and James Coburn. Though not the protagonist, Nicolas Cage delivers the most balls out ridiculous tantrums of his career and there is added insanity in the form of cameo appearances from Charlie Sheen, Peter Fonda, Talia Shire and Mickey Dolenz. This movie is a trainwreck that confuses and fails so intensely it makes Season of the Witch palatable and Drive Angry seem like a glorious fable of modern day folly.

Two more quality Nicolas Cage movies left. Figure it's time to get back to him for a little bit. 1. Vampire's Kiss - Multiple Nicolas Cage freak outs and some of the earliest. Bizarre plot about a literary agent who thinks he's a vampire on top of that. Plus, Nicolas Cage doing a British (?) accent. Not sure really. The full movie is on youtube for "educational purposes". (This movie at one point also features a mime troup outside his apartment acting out some sort of domestic violence scenario. 2. Deadfall - Written and directed by Nicolas Cage's brother Christopher Coppola, this movie has Nicolas Cage sporting a pedophile moustache and another bizarre accent. This movie has my personal favorite Nicolas Cage freakout involving him yelling things like "Fucking hangers", "I'm not a retard man", and "Viva la fucking France". Other possible movies (Non Nicolas Cage): 1. Return to Horror High - This movie is fucking awful and ridiculous. It features a very young, curly mullet toting, George Clooney. The main reason I would love for you to do this movie is because I don't understand it at all. I have seen it three times in order to try and figure out what the fuck is going on and cannot. It is a mess. 2. Miami Connection - This movie is bad movie gold. Fucking amazing. It was written and directed by two people who do not speak very good english. It is set in Miami in the late '80s and is about a tae-kwon-do synth band called "Dragon Sound" that gets in a "gang war" against ninja motorcycle drug dealers. Features two original songs called 'Against The Ninjas" and "Friends". Both amazing. Also has the worst, least black actor of all time, who is clearly trying his hardest.