Episode 102 — Tango & Cash

[Jon H 3]

There was a couple mistakes in this movie that I was surprised to not hear mentioned. In that scene when a leather clad biker exits the bar and is revealed to be Teri Hatcher and not Kurt Russel, almost immediately after the helmet is removed Hatcher is cigarette smoke in the cops face and giving him sass. Where did this cigarette smoke come from? She had a closed helmet on literally a second before she blows the smoke. It would seem that there are only four possibilities:

1. She was smoking a cigarette inside her closed helmet.

2. She was smoking a cigarette and would open and close her visor any time she needed to take a drag.

3. In the one second interval after her helmet is removed she manages to pull out a cigarette, put in her lips, light it and take a drag.

4. She was walking around with a lit cigarette but not smoking it. She took the removal of her helmet as a first opportunity to take a drag.

 

Another thing that I thought was funny was the fact that when Jack Palance pulls out the two rats to begin this reoccuring metaphor he was "Two little mice, so much damage". Mice? Those are clearly rats. One might have argued that reason he has that rat maze/desk is that he's a rat officiando and that he just like to have them on hand for metaphors, but if he can't even tell the difference between rats and mice then you would have to conclude that this is not the case and that he went through all the trouble of acquiring rats and a maze-desk for this singular usage.

 

P.s. Did anyone notice the rats scurrying around while T&C escape from prison? Symbolism?

[OfficerMooney 13]

This film stole the "stopping the truck by standing in the middle of the road while holding a gun" almost beat for beat from Jackie Chan's "Police Story".

[SensiiMiller 29]

Tango & Cash was a good movie for its time.

[joshg 207]

After their escape from prison, T&C pursue a remarkably well-coordinated attempt to exonerate themselves, without actually coordinating. Tango goes after the crooked cop, and Cash goes after the audio expert. What a coincidence that they each decided to pursue a different witness! Clearly they had not been in cahoots since the escape, due to their surprise reunion later on.

[joshg 207]

edit: a little late on that one... looks like I need to start screening my posts.

 

 

 

Nice screen grab.

[Conal Cochran 21]

Tango & Cash was a good movie for its time.

 

Can't agree, I saw it at the cinema and thought it was rubbish then.

[denimgremlin 1179]

There was a couple mistakes in this movie that I was surprised to not hear mentioned. In that scene when a leather clad biker exits the bar and is revealed to be Teri Hatcher and not Kurt Russel, almost immediately after the helmet is removed Hatcher is cigarette smoke in the cops face and giving him sass. Where did this cigarette smoke come from? She had a closed helmet on literally a second before she blows the smoke. It would seem that there are only four possibilities:

1. She was smoking a cigarette inside her closed helmet.

2. She was smoking a cigarette and would open and close her visor any time she needed to take a drag.

3. In the one second interval after her helmet is removed she manages to pull out a cigarette, put in her lips, light it and take a drag.

4. She was walking around with a lit cigarette but not smoking it. She took the removal of her helmet as a first opportunity to take a drag.

 

 

another thing about the cigarettes in that scene, Kurt Russel is on lam and part of his act to trick the cops who are looking for him is to literally flick his cigarette in the cops face!

[ColinJ 5]

This film stole the "stopping the truck by standing in the middle of the road while holding a gun" almost beat for beat from Jackie Chan's "Police Story".

So was the finale of BAD BOYS 2.

 

The shanty town car chase.

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

Explanation for "massage" scene where Stallone is watching what looks like his sister fucking Russell:

 

Russell's character had dislocated his shoulder from when he jumped off the zip line during the prison escape. She wasn't giving him a massage, but was pushing the bone back in, hence the "it's going in!" line. Her screaming was from being grossed out by it, which of course has to sound exactly like sexual ecstasy for this HILARIOUS GENIUS HIGH COMEDY bit to work. Just imagine the brainstorming that had to go on and all the plot points to be established just for this one Three's Company style misunderstanding gag.

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

It wasn't just Tango & Cash, but EVERY 80s action movie that had crazy homoerotic undertones going on. They all carried the flavor of misogyny that women make men weak, so they had to be excluded to have the most manliest men ever. I have no clue how horror movies came to exemplify the "all sluts must be killed off" trope when it was much more common in 80s action movies. In these movies, women are just beards or a surrogate to release the gay tension between the male lead and his hate buddy in a socially acceptable way.

 

Top Gun is probably the best known example of super 80s action homoeroticism (Goose is killed the instant a woman enters his life, and the flirting between Cruise and Kilmer is legendary), with the top honors going to Red Heat (opening scene is a bathhouse fight) and Showdown in Little Tokyo (male lead to the other male lead, "Just in case we don't make it out of this, I want you to know you have the biggest dick I've ever seen.").

 

For further entertaining reading, Ruthlessreviews.com has the most comprehensive catalog of 80s action movies, broken down by homoeroticism, body count, and overt fascist right wing messages.

 

http://www.ruthlessr...-to-80s-action/

Here's what they have to say about Tango & Cash:

Stallone is chasing these two guys who are driving a semi-truck out in the desert. Now, he doesn’t kill the driver after shooting through the windshield at least twice, but the truck stops so hard (ten feet from Stallone) that both bad guys fly out and land at Stallone’s feet. Sly then of course says, “Glad you could drop in.” He then pulls out handcuffs and asks, “Do you like Jewelry?”

 

Now, you would think that would be enough dumb-assedness for one scene, but, right after all the cops start tasting the coke that is pouring out of the side of the tanker, THE BAD GUY DRIVES BY IN A LIMO!!! They are out in the middle of the desert, and the bad guy and his three main henchmen all happen to be in a limousine? Get the fuck out. Seriously, fucking leave. Did adults work on this movie?

 

Tango and Cash both walk into a room at the same time and find a dead FBI agent who has been shot. Five seconds later, maybe six seconds, a bunch of other FBI guys walk in and arrest Tango and Cash for the murdering the FBI guy. I believe they are all inside a big warehouse at the time. On like the fourth or fifth floor. In the middle of the night. Don’t bullets make loud fucking bangs? Who did Tango and Cash have for a lawyer? Lionel Hutz?

 

Best Exchange

 

“When this is over we’re going to have to pay Jabba the Hut a visit.”

“I’ll bring a chainsaw.”

“I’ll bring the beer.”

[Brian_Eno 119]

Kurt Russell

[Cameron H. 23786]

Kurt Russell

 

Hmmmm....Good point

[Cameron H. 23786]

Apropos of not Tango and Cash.

 

A gentleman over on "The Canon" forums over at yonder WolfPop just posted a link to something called the "People's Podcast Awards." I've never heard of these awards, but it seems legit. So, if you have a mind to, check it out and vote for your favorite shows.

 

http://podcastawards.com/

[Dr. D'zar 8]

Correction & Omissions: Concerning the Cash “tripod” insult…

 

1. He could mean that Tango has such a small penis (microphallus) that his balls and penis look like a very small tripod.

2. As stated prior: Cash could be saying he has a very saggy scrotum, and that his balls and penis look similar to a tripod.

3. Cash could have flubbed the line and meant to say something like “tuna can dick”, but they left in the line “tripod”.

[denimgremlin 1179]

 

Hmmmm....Good point

 

I might even say, Great point.

[Cameron H. 23786]

 

3. Cash could have flubbed the line and meant to say something like “tuna can dick”, but they left in the line “tripod”.

 

Jesus "Karate Chopping" Christ, man! "Tuna can dick?" I have no idea what that is, but it is the single most horrifying thing I have ever heard. I figure you mean it is short and thick, but I simply can't get the image of a dick that has sharp edges that cut your fingers or, like, a partially circumcised penis and the foreskin is just hanging on by a small bit of skin?

 

Thank you for the nightmares.

[denimgremlin 1179]

 

Jesus "Karate Chopping" Christ, man! "Tuna can dick?" I have no idea what that is, but it is the single most horrifying thing I have ever heard. I figure you mean it is short and thick, but I simply can't get the image of a dick that has sharp edges that cut your fingers or, like, a partially circumcised penis and the foreskin is just hanging on by a small bit of skin?

 

Thank you for the nightmares.

 

I only fuck dolphin safe tuna can dick

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

Nick Kroll:Stallone::Pete Holmes:Pacino

 

I loved June's giggling during the new theme.

 

Tango & Cash was #2 on my HDTGM wishlist.#1 is still bringing back Pete Holmes and dueling Pacino impressions with Jason for Any Given Sunday. That movie is even more insane than 88 Minutes. It's set up as a straight up sports movie, but it's football as seen through the XFL, and Oliver Stone directs it in the exact same surreal psychedelic style as Natural Born Killers. Every single play ends in either a career ending injury (eyeball popping!) or a touch down.And the Pacino monologues. Monologues galore.

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

 

Are we doing favorite lines? Mine has to be--

 

TANGO--"Where'd you learn to drive??"

 

CASH--"Stevie Wonder!"

 

Wait...What?

 

I'm almost positive they ripped that joke off from Die Hard which had come out the previous year.

 

As far as T&C being good for the time, absolutely not. Far, FAR better 80s action movies that came out before T&C:

 

Die Hard

Robocop

Predator

Terminator

Aliens

 

T&C wasn't even the best cheesy 80s action movie because for that you had Commando, The Running Man, Conan, or various Golan Globus films. American Ninja, anyone?

[Cameron H. 23786]

 

I'm almost positive they ripped that joke off from Die Hard which had come out the previous year.

 

 

I disagree. They TRIED to rip off that joke from Die Hard, what they did was deliver nonsense and gibberish.

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

Technically the exact same joke, but missing the little things like "context", "delivery", and "making sense".

[AndrewCottier 3]

I've heard most of these podcast & this was probably the first time when I heard which film they were doing that I was surprised. I actually like Tango & Cash. Not like as in 'its a well made film' but enjoy. Not even as a guilty pleasure really. straight up enjoy it. Although I must admit a lot of the things they were saying were hard to argue against. But still!

[MongoJustPawn 5]

I actually liked this movie when it came out, but obviously it doesn't hold up past the age of 11.

 

One thing that always bothered me, even as an 11 year old, was the 'house of mirrors' scene. Both Tango and Cash claim they knew which was the real bad guy using visual clues (monogram and ring finger.)

 

This always bothered me because of the nature of a 'house of mirrors' . . . there are reflections of reflections . . . and in that case, wouldn't the monogram and ring finger appear correctly in half of the mirror panes?

 

Also, don't you have to stand IN FRONT of a mirror to cast a reflection? Somehow, this bad guy stands BEHIND the mirrors.

[Entering the Bone Zone 81]

Full disclosure:

 

I laughed aloud - while watching the movie alone - when Sly first arrives in his prison cell and opens the paper to the stock page. "Can you believe this, sugar is up!" I wanted Kroll so badly to riff on that notion. Something about the runner of Sly playing the market just made me laugh every time.

[Entering the Bone Zone 81]

Wondering if I missed something...

 

How did ALL OF THE COPS know to track Cash to the not-strip-club? After their "harrowing" prison break, Tango tells Cash something to the effect of "if the shit gets sticky, head to the Cleopatra Club and ask for Catherine," implying that this is a safe house of sorts to lie low and meet up. Not two minutes after his arrival, Cash looks over his shoulder and half the LAPD is fanning out in this nightclub, as if they knew his next move after breaking out would be to head straight there. Did I miss a plot point or is the LAPD just that damn good, even without their top two detectives?