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DaltonMaltz

Episode 164 - Tom Scharpling, Our Christmas Show Architect

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corker

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changed my profile picture hope my top fans are not upset, i know change can be a bit scary

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Hey everybody, check THIS out:

Nice_zpszzmvzfpw.png

 

Thanks for giving me the specific amount of likes to get to this awesome number. You all know how much this means to me. I've captured this for posterity, though, so you can now go ahead and "like" my posts as much as you REALLY like them now, which I know is a bunch. Y'all are the best!

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@ChrisWeiser (JonGabrus)

No but one time it was me, Chris gethard, Bill Clinton and pizza rat were hanging out in the diner from When Harry Met Sally, just getting some apple pie with cheese slices and from across the way I hear "Pardon me for a second" or something and I look over, Tom Scharpling is excusing himself from his seat and he goes to the bathroom. Me and the crew are there for a couple more hours just shooting the shit and I never saw him leave, but I did see Nolan walk out a couple minutes after Tom went in, is that a clue maybe?

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what kinda horseshit is this where we get tricked into thinking this ep was recorded at Earwolf with the front page picture!?!?! #fakenews

Kevin is such a sweetie now, there is no way he would stoop so low as to take photos in the Earwolf ladies bathroom

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It was a Christmas miracle

 

In the rush to trample complete strangers for Hatchimals my Discman was rendered useless. I had just burned the latest HH ep onto a CD (like always) and, while throwin' 'bows at Lowes the batteries died.

 

I quickly realized Lowes doesn't sell Hatchimals and I don't even have kids so HH became priority one and ran to the battery department.

 

I waited in line for two hours to buy batteries only to realize the actual CD had a scratch. I'm of course pissed bc I ALWAYS polish my newly burned CDs with parking lots so I it should work.

 

Anyway I'm walking home and see a group of people huddled around the department store window. It's just stacked with tvs on top on tvs on top of tvs- all broadcasting the HH holiday spectacular. We all laughed and hugged as we watched the boys talk with Tom, the falling snow just barely landing on the right side of beauty and nuisance- the children, faces and hands pressed against the window in awe- really filled my veins with hope for the future.

 

A truly magical episode.

 

 

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I'm so excited to listen to this! Tom is always a great guest B) <--- that's me with shades, getting ready to listen

Hi Johnny - can't say that I am personally a huge fan of your work, but that's neither here nor there. I just wanted ask if you could encourage some of your celebrity friends to also post here. Thanks

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Hi Johnny - can't say that I am personally a huge fan of your work, but that's neither here nor there. I just wanted ask if you could encourage some of your celebrity friends to also post here. Thanks

Oh gosh. I wish I could, beeface, but my influence in the biz is not what it once was. I can't even get Tim Burton on the phone anymore. Maybe if someone could write a movie that really showcases my talents, then I could be a big enough celebrity to appear on this show and have my celebrity friends comment on how awesome I am.

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Remember that time I told exactly one half of a personally-hyped "scary" story, promised I'd be back in 5 minutes and then disappeared from the forums forever?? What a cool, normal thing!!

 

Hi, friends!!!

I do not remember that because as has been established, I have not been around as long as many forum members. Maybe you can catch me up, or at least tell the second half of this "story" you claim to have. The only reason I'm dubious is that you say you dissapeared forever and het here I am reading a post from you. I ran the numbers twice and its not adding up. Something's fishy here.

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Oh gosh. I wish I could, beeface, but my influence in the biz is not what it once was. I can't even get Tim Burton on the phone anymore. Maybe if someone could write a movie that really showcases my talents, then I could be a big enough celebrity to appear on this show and have my celebrity friends comment on how awesome I am.

I'd like to propose a two hander with you and Mekhi Phifer.

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I do not remember that because as has been established, I have not been around as long as many forum members. Maybe you can catch me up, or at least tell the second half of this "story" you claim to have. The only reason I'm dubious is that you say you dissapeared forever and het here I am reading a post from you. I ran the numbers twice and its not adding up. Something's fishy here.

 

I know that every single member of this forum has been waiting with bated breath to hear the dramatic second half of my terrifying tale... it's no surprise even the newest members are familiar with its lore.

 

That's right, Shrekronomicon... you may be the modern-day Will Hunting of this forum with your stealthy mathematical wizardry, but much like Robin Williams' reluctant psychologist with a heart of gold Dr. Sean Maguire, I see through your bluster to recognize the little Shrekronomicon inside who knows all too well the pain of promises broken, and stories half-told. It's not your fault. (<--- repeat 10-15 x's til crying HARD)

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THE BIG CRIME PART II: A HERO'S LAMENT

 

Everyone is well familiar with Part I of my saga in which I witnessed two men break into my neighbors garage, then hop the fence into another neighbors' property where - moments later - all the lights cut out. And I know you all imagined, as I did, that those neighbors were obviously about to be murdered in the pitch black darkness of their own home by two electrical-wire cutting fiends... their only shot at survival due to the quick-thinking of a local hero (me) who heroically witnessed both crimes in progress and heroically alerted the police, who were at that moment on their way...

 

Part II details an EVEN MORE SHOCKING turn of events, in which the police are bafflingly unmoved by my expert witness testimony and detailed one-man reenactment and fail to commend me for my bravery or even suggest that they "could really use someone like [me]" on "the force." Far worse was the subsequent investigations which revealed nothing had been stolen from either house and not a single person had even been maimed much less murdered. The cruelest twist was delivered by my ungrateful and lucky-to-be-alive neighbors themselves who revealed their lighting system is hooked up to the worlds most misleading and deceptive timer... installed, no doubt, with the intention to humiliate me in front of my closest friends and future colleagues, "the police."

 

My anticipated (and rightful) new role as "the hero of the cul-de-sac" was then replaced by an almost sadistic display of lavish praise for my dog, Cricket, who was heralded by everyone on the street as the true hero responsible for alerting us to the presence of the trespassers and essentially saving the day. Which is obviously BULLSHIT because we all know it would take nothing more than a single slice of American cheese for Cricket to happily turn a blind-eye to a murder-in-progress!!!

 

It's great to be back, gang.

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Hey everybody, check THIS out:

Nice_zpszzmvzfpw.png

 

Thanks for giving me the specific amount of likes to get to this awesome number. You all know how much this means to me. I've captured this for posterity, though, so you can now go ahead and "like" my posts as much as you REALLY like them now, which I know is a bunch. Y'all are the best!

alan thicke died today.

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This is a show that I listen to weekly.

This is a show that I listen to strongly.

 

 

 

that's a little joke. love ya FLT.

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@ChrisWeiser (JonGabrus)

No but one time it was me, Chris gethard, Bill Clinton and pizza rat were hanging out in the diner from When Harry Met Sally, just getting some apple pie with cheese slices and from across the way I hear "Pardon me for a second" or something and I look over, Tom Scharpling is excusing himself from his seat and he goes to the bathroom. Me and the crew are there for a couple more hours just shooting the shit and I never saw him leave, but I did see Nolan walk out a couple minutes after Tom went in, is that a clue maybe?

No, I'm not Tom. I'm honored you would think that though.

 

I remember that bathroom, actually. I think Tom's still in there though

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No, I'm not Tom. I'm honored you would think that though.

 

I remember that bathroom, actually. I think Tom's still in there though

 

I think you're both talking about New York here. And points to BeeFace for that Alan Thicke/6699 joke. Two more and your next submarine style sandwich is free.

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I was going to post a review of the ep, but so much time has passed since it was released it doesn't seem to matter. I'll try again next week.

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