Max SilvestrI, Our Close Friend

[The Shrekronomicon 397]

PB chuckled and shook his head, smiling to himself 'Humans and cars...will they ever learn?' he mused. "Well you're in luck tonight, you're talking to an expert. You see that Tundra parked around the side? I caught it myself. Thing must have been doing 75, but cheetah's arent THE fastest land animal." PB winked at her and put on his business face. "May I ask you name? Please step inside while I put on my turtle costume and boots, it is FREEZING out there."

"I'm Penelope but everyone calls me Bip. I am supposed to be visiting my uncle Banjo for Christmas Eve dinner. If you can really fix it I promise to bring you some scraps on the way back!"

The fur on Portabello's shoulders bristled and he felt a little indignant at this stereotyping, but god help him he just couldn't refuse that offer. "I'll see what I can do. Would you like some hot cocoa?" He had barely even noticed the girl inching closer to his eggnog while they spoke, but in the blink of an eye she had downed nearly half of it by the time the word "cocoa" left his lips. He cocked his head to the side, but just rolled his eyes and again thought to himself 'Humans...tks tsk...'

Already undressed after his drive, he chomped down on the turtle costume and waltzed into the bathroom latching the door behind him, emerging moments later ready to face the weather. He did a vertical hop and landed perfectly in all four of his little boots. Bip was looking redfaced. "Are you going to...like show me the problem? Or..."

"Oh no, I trust you, I'll just wait here. Oh wow you have the Critereon Collection Blu-Ray of Eraserhead?!" She had been looking over his shelves while he dressed. "I almost hope its busted and we can just stay in and watch this!"

Intrigued by this human's forwardness but wanting to maintain his dignity, Portabello simply said "Hey, dont forget about those scraps, YOU SAID!" and then waddled out the door with his plushie shell bouncing from side to side and green hood covering up his ears.

He was almost to the girl's car when he heard her scream.

[Charlie Murphy Brown 4977]

One of my favorite parts of this episode was when Max and the boys were all talking out of their mouths, and listening through their ears. I also have my suspicions that they might've been seeing out of their eyes, and perish the thought, but perhaps even smelling out of their noses!

[beeface 1804]

Just finished wrapping all my presents. Got some pop rocks for my brother's kids (he has 5) just as a little treat, hardly a gift, you know. So I wrapped the pop rocks then put them in the bottom of a shoe box beneath an old sneaker, then wrapped that shoe box up and put it in a larger shoe box which I also wrapped. This package I put down in the bottom of a very large box my desk came in (looks like the size of a foosball or mini-air hockey table) and put a layer of plastic bags over the wrapped shoe boxes. Then I took another slimmer box and put an old oily rag in there and wrapped it up and put it closer to the top of the large box so the kids will find it first. Then I shoved in some more plastic bags and finally wrapped up the large box. Now I'm thinking of printing out some "Fragile handle with care" "Caution: Contains hazardous material" or "Beware of dog" signs but I might just do a nice bow so they don't suspect anything. The plan is to let them open it later in the day, hopefully building up the anticipation. They will be getting real gifts tomorrow so I don't think they will overreact. I mean, pop rocks are pretty great so everyone wins

this is really good

 

5 kids? having sex much?

[beeface 1804]

Beef, are you the one that punched the roo? Better be careful beefypoo.

 

you know, i haven't actually seen that video yet because it sounds kinda horrific.

 

but to answer your question:

 

 

yes that was me

[beeface 1804]

it's christmas here. merry christmas, christians. happy holidays everyone else.

[CiscoKid 1973]

Merry Australian Christmas everybody! Beef ace, do you guys have a specific Santaman or do you just have the regular one and he just gets totally pitted for a while?

[CiscoKid 1973]

and cmb, it definitely was intended to be a lowercase I, but whether that's an I or an l I really can't tell ya

[greazey_bob 166]

What's this now, a mutiny? Splendid, count me in!

 

I will absolutely join you all in helping to make Cisco's Christmas miracle a reality

[CiscoKid 1973]

Hooray! Three cheers for greazy Bob! I heard your name once as the catchphrase submission on a cbb

[beeface 1804]

australian santaman is santaman but extra sweaty

[The Shrekronomicon 397]

With fire in his eyes, Portabello leapt in the air and did a 180. If he had been a skateboard there would be a name for the type of twirl he did in mid air. Staring back at the mansion, a bolt of lightning cracked the sky and made the snow glow like a snow globe. He muttered to himself "Here we go again..." before doing a somersault to reach full speed and darting back towards the front door to see what was the matter. It had been mere months since PB had defeated Dr. Dreadlocks the Angry Hippie and his army of Franken-Squirrels. To this day he couldn't help from being terrified of squirrels, after so nearly being Frankensteined into one and ALWAYS shouted to scare them off his property now. The doctors say its PTSD but the local Chipmunks still think he is just a speciesist. Most of the squirrels actually understand and appreciate what this adventure meant for their community, but some of their punk squirrel kids think its funny to scare national hero. It it looked like it was time for another one of Portabello's terrifying escapades. As he burst through the front door, Penelope was nowhere to be seen but above the fireplace somthing grotesque caught his attention. It was a mouse, dead, and crucified upside down. It was then that he remembered the stories of the ghost cat his great aunt used to tell him. But those were just stories...weren't they? "Looks like it's gonna be a long night..."

[Charlie Murphy Brown 4977]

Check it out, this is probably from 08. Kaya (pit bull/terrier) was a very big fan of the holidays, obviously

 

[Charlie Murphy Brown 4977]

Nieces and nephews opening their present

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exQGq6FrTO0&t=24s

 

(apologies for the poor lighting)

[DaltonMaltz 1119]

What's this now, a mutiny? Splendid, count me in!

 

I will absolutely join you all in helping to make Cisco's Christmas miracle a reality

 

I too will help make it a reality, but only because it's the first night of Hannukah and I can see a parallel between the oil lasting for eight days and this thread lasting for all time. In fact I think I'm going to read the Torah right now. Thanks for the religious inspiration everybody.

[greazey_bob 166]

Is split-dimensional underground forum threads movies?

 

Is skinny heathen palomino print pajama pants movies?

 

Dalton, is you movies?

[CiscoKid 1973]

cmb that was a heart warming tale, and I think really brings the reason for the season to a forefront, Shrek this story is going so good, and Dalton you arever also the reason for the season as a ghost of Christmas present

[beeface 1804]

is this page 3 yet

[beeface 1804]

oh nice

[CiscoKid 1973]

so close I can hear a chorus of angels singing silent night off I the horizon

[Charlie Murphy Brown 4977]

wow, you guys are tearing it up! yes, thanks Cisco. it worked out so that the oldest kid opened first and then went down in age until the youngest found the pop rocks underneath the shoe. I think they even held onto the rag and sneaker

 

Welcome bob and Dalton. Now that we've gained support from an Earwolf employee that's basically like Jeff Ulrich and Adam sachs announcing the full-fledged cooperation of the entire midroll network. Right? hope I'm not misreading that

 

you know what friends? I'm pretty sure this is exactly how America got started

[Charlie Murphy Brown 4977]

is this page 3 yet

 

 

been reading a lot of harry potters this month. only 18 years late to the party

[Charlie Murphy Brown 4977]

so close I can hear a chorus of angels singing silent night off I the horizon

 

that could also be your neighbors blasting their best holiday vinyl

[CiscoKid 1973]

Tis the season to be jolly falalalala, lalalala

[The Shrekronomicon 397]

Penelope crawled out from under the sofa, covered in all the rest of Portabello's eggnog. "That stuff doesnt grow on trees you know." he said cooly, relieved to see her alive. "Are you hurt? What happened? Do you have a treat? I got here as fast as I could. Was it squirrels?" PB was full on word vomitting, not wanting to allow himself to entertain the idea of the Ghost of Sprinkles Knifepaw prowling his new home. "Squirrels?!" she exclaimed incredulously, and sounding quite hammered from drinking a quarter litre of whiskey in one swig, "Squirrelsh woob ne'er do that to a moushe!" PB whined and lay down on the floor making great big eyes at her. He was not in the mood for mystries on Christmas Eve. She piped up her voice trying to convey what she could remember of what she saw. "It looked like tiny Bam-tan..*hic* i mean...Batman. I wassh just flipping through your first edition copoppy of Naked Lunch by Wimmial Ets Browse and when I looked up he was there on the mantle. I dont know who the mouse is, I've never seen that mouse before!" Portabello recalled how much he had cried for cuddles when his great aunt had told him about the huge black cat that had belonged to the house's original owner. Its foot had been run over by a big red wagon and the cat had a knife where its paw should be instead! You can hear him by his footsteps if he gets close they go "pit-patter-TINK pit-patter-TINK" and he has a deep hatred for dogs. It is said that Sprinkles Knifepaw was engaged to be married to an Owl, but back in those days dogs were fervently against inter-kingdom marriages and while the owl escaped by flying away, a pack of corgies ate the cat, resulting in his death. All that was left was the knifepaw, but it hasnt been seen in decades. No one knows where it is. "This is really creeping me out, Bip, come have some cheese and crackers with me in the kitchen while I tell you this story. I found a really cool little cheese knife under the floorboards when I moved in here." PB said, unaware of the scope of the peril they were both truly in.

[CiscoKid 1973]

I am truly thrilled by this turn of events