Indignant hate mail for Brett Gelman

[Skeevins 322]

To Whom it May Concern:

Fuck you, Brett Gelman. Who do you think you are, some kind of goddamn hero? How dare you rock this boat of complacency that we, the members of polite society, have constructed for ourselves? You are challenging my longheld beliefs and values, and I am NOT cool with that, bro. I downloaded your podcast in the hopes of finding something soothing to listen to as I drink my hazlenut coffee and discuss stock tips on the internet. But what do I get? Brett Gelman waving his big 'ol freedom dick right in my bewildered face! America doesn't have time for freedom, sir! Not while there's work to be done! "Land of the Free" indeed! More like "Land of the Weed;" the weed which you and your liberal cohorts are fond of smoking, you hemp-huffing hooligan! I got where I am in life by keeping my head down and obeying the rules, but you with your unassailable logic and puckish fucking charm now have me wondering if maybe there's another way...and that really burns my ass!

In short, my mind doesn't have a bag of cocaine and a bus token, Brett Gelman, so stop trying to blow it!

Yours resentfully,

Stephen Henel

[jeffullrich 652]

Steve - Thanks for sharing. You are proving me right. I didn't think this was a very funny podcast and I was certainly concerned that I wouldn't be able to sell any advertising in it. I can't believe I let Scott and Brett talk me into releasing it. Now I know that it wasn't just me, this show sucks and definitely doesn't belong at Earwolf. We're trying really hard to be a professional, upstanding, corporate company and there is no place for Brett Gelman or his "rap" songs here.

When I asked him to stop cursing so much, he said, "Go fuck yourself, sir." So he is polite but clearly doesn't respect me or Earwolf the institution.

[brettgelman 678]

I feel so sorry for both of you. You're both slaves.

Steve the fact that you're putting your head down now is only going to make it worse for you when you are eventually forced to look around and see the truth. You might as well do it now, because the longer you wait the more painful it will be in the future. I'm not trying to blow your mind, I'm merely expressing myself honestly. Are you so narcississtic that you just relate what I'm doing as an attack on you. I don't want ignorant people who want to stay in their own complacent pit of apathy to listen to my podcast. The world is full of darkness, and you sire contribute to it, by wanting to hide in it.

And Jeff, you are a corporate stooge and whore. My shit's the shit! so suck my dick!

[jughead 189]

@Jeff and Steve.....I'm with Brett, his shit is the shit! I really hope I am getting hints of sarcasm from you guys, its hard to tell by reading fucking text. I've already re-listened to the podcast about 5 times already and I still crack up every time. That is by far the best "rap" song that have heard since 1996. Gelmanics forever!!!!

[Skeevins 322]

Brett Gelman, you are a troublemaker. Like Miracle Whip (that most troublesome of imitation mayonnaise spreads), you simply refuse to tone it down!

But you had better keep your painful truth away from my apathy hole, for I am content to live in the darkness of ignorance, thank you very much. It is sheer bliss compared to the searing fire of your misguided convictions! A fire that will soon consume itself once the kindling has been exhausted! Revel in the chaos you have created while you can, Brett Gelman, for as Hannah Arendt once said, "The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution."

Do you understand? Even if you win, there will always be another revolution! And on that day, it will be your morning of hazlenut coffee and relaxation that will be forever ruined, and you will have no one to blame but yourself!

The clock is ticking, Brett Gelman!

[brettgelman 678]

I will join any revolution that needs to be exercised. If I have to keep on revotling that is what I'll have to do. You will never keep going. You're not going now. You are not alive.

[Skeevins 322]

Egad! You're right, I have been wasting my life in the pursuit of stagnant riches. Also, I am a ghost! That is a twist I never saw coming! You have Shyamalaned me with the power of your brain!