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S.W.A.T. (2003)

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I've seen this one mentioned here and there, but no official topic.  Clocking at 2hrs, it might be a tough watch, this was a delightful re-discovery ripe for HDTGM.

First, INSANE cast: Colin Farrell in his 'being as bland as possible' mode (ie. The Recruit), Sam Jackson recruiting a team Nick Fury-style, LL Cool J without a parrot, Michelle Rodriguez being constantly reminded that she is a girl who does not belong in a SWAT team (it's a David Ayer script), Josh Charles as a badass (?), and Jeremy Renner (YEP).

It's like two episodes of the tv show cobbled together: the pilot with the team being recruited, and a shitty episode around THE WORST criminal in the world.
The first part is actually fun, with the team cracking jokes at the worst possible times. The second part is just so lame, with Olivier Martinez being arrested for something completely stupid, then the police catching up to the fact that he's a big-time gangster (who came to L.A. just to kill a guy who lied to him - like he's being followed by the FBI and Interpol but he risks everything just to make a point?), then the worst escape plan ever (he gets into a car and instead of driving it like a maniac he just...stops), AND FINALLY the actual plot (a criminal offering millions for his escape).

It's crazy how long it takes for the plot to get started, and then it becomes a series of terrible decisions (the bad guys decide to plant a bomb in the sewers while escaping - which takes them SO FUCKING LONG the SWAT actually catches up on them) and a climax from FAST & FURIOUS 6. 
Colin Farrell is supposed to be THE MAN. He sees everything, he gets everything, nothing can stop him - even the final fight is BARELY a fight cause he's so badass. The team is pretty much useless without him.

But what really drove me to create a topic are the little things. Like the dog being thrown out in MR. NANNY, this has BONKERS moments that I rewound five times just to see if I hadn't dreamt them. Be aware this happens in the background or during a quick shot:

- One of the cops actually PUTS HIS FINGER IN THE ASS OF A CRIMINAL while arresting him - it's an insert and the team LAUGHS like it's HILARIOUS

- During a garden party, a kid with a water gun hoses down Colin Farrell, and it DOES NOT GO WELL - Colin looks like he's about to MURDER him during the shot, and actually moves him away as to say "Stop right now or I'll kill you" with a smile

-  Just before an attack, the SWAT team warns the neighbors. One of them asks a woman walking her dog to hurry up. But the dog gets in front of her. The poor extra does not see that and actually FALLS ON THE GROUND. Like really hard on her knees. And they chose this shot for all eternity!

I hope I'm not the only one rediscovering the insanity of it all.

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The plot of this movie is so fucking stupid. If you're the head of a criminal organization and you offer $100 million dollars of said empires operating costs on a fairly selfish offer, I think most of the people underneath him or the board of executives or whatever gang members have are going to come the decision to maybe kill that dude and not pay $100 million.

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