Things (1989)

[C.LucasSmith 0]

I have seen a lot of bad films in my time. I've laughed and cried with Tommy Wiseau. I've survived the horrors of a full-out Birdemic. I've wandered through the streets of Nilbog, pissing on hospitality with no regrets. My tolerance for bad cinema was high, or so I thought. My defenses were impregnable. I was arrogant, cocky, on top of the world... until I saw THINGS.

 

THINGS, the masterwork of Andrew Jordan and Barry J Gillis, left me broken, at a loss for words. It is simultaneously the best and worst movie that I have ever seen. This film has it all: horrible acting, cheese sandwiches, mullets, beer, crappy special effects, a heartrending sci-fi soliloquy, Canadian accents, goofy looking monsters, an undeniably awkward cameo by porn star Amber Lynn, and one of the worst soundtracks of all time.

 

Oh, did I mention that Jordan and Gillis make the sound effects with their mouths?

 

I hold the the following pics to be self-evident:

[jarshall 25]

FUCK YES!

 

i thought I was the only one who loved this movie!

This movie is almost too hardcore for this show, and I'm pretty sure it would be out of the running for HDTGM consideration, simply because it looks cheap. But it's a true classic in the WTF genre.

 

I've been emailing with Barry J a little lately, nice guy. I bet he'd make himself available for a call-in interview at least.

[jarshall 25]

PS: how can you not love the soundtrack?

 

You got me caught in a tailspiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin

[C.LucasSmith 0]

I commend your good taste, sir! I gotta admit, I do love Tailspin, but that STRYK9 stuff makes me wanna stuff my ears with cheese sandwiches.

 

I too doubt that it will ever happen, but I would love to see them tackle this. Barry J seems like a cool guy and I couldn't imagine him refusing to participate.

 

As far as favorite bad movies go, I'm torn between this one and the ripe slice of awesomeness known as WINTERBEAST.

[jarshall 25]

ya, so I guess I need to see Winterbeast now.

 

you ever see Barry J's other movie Wicked World?

[C.LucasSmith 0]

You'll love Winterbeast: I guarantee it. First I've heard about Wicked World. A worthwhile watch?

[Amy the Gorilla 732]

I Really wanted to recommend this movie, but thinking about my reaction to it, I think I should probably warn them instead of tell them to watch it. Holy hell is this movie hard to watch. I couldn't even finish it. It felt like a confusing fever dream. (They put the ir coats in the freezer for Christ sake.)

 

Also anyone who follows RedLetterMedia (The "Mr. Plinket's Star Wars: Phantom Menace Reviews" crew) they did a segment of their "Half in the bag" show dedicated to this movie and how awful and baffling and wonderfully weird the movie is.

 

I would love to be in the room while they watched this movie...If it ever happened. (It's kind of hard to find unless you buy a physical copy)

 

 

NSFW trailer:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiqSuC8KkNU

[DanielMebus 0]

After undergoing an experimental procedure, and woman unable to bear children with her husband finally gives birth...to terrifying THINGS. A nonsensical storyline, acting that would make Tommy Wiseau proud, and the worst dialogue (or lack thereof) that I've ever heard.

[IRONicmerMAN 391]

I'm going to second Winterbeast, mentioned above. The YouTube trailer looks brilliant. Brilliant, I tells ya!