Thaw

[Nasher 29]

Possibly the most inept movie I have ever seen and it made me so angry the makers are so disjointed from reality they think we could just go with it. I can just hear Jason repeatedly shouting "What are you doing Dum-Dum", Paul's "and we haven't even talked about X yet" and June's infectious laugh of incredulity... constantly throughout the review. Poor Val Kilmer must have worked all of 2 days on this and certainly didn't give acting tips to the other players.

 

The catalog of film making mistakes is almost endless: plot holes, poor acting, terrible dialogue and a 'fuck you' epilogue: There is something of astounding ineptitude every 5 minutes... seriously i am not kidding:

 

1 Crow-barred in ecology plot-line that makes no sense.

2 A woman dies apparently choking as caring people just stand and watch.. recovery position anyone?

3 When infection is suspected people knowingly touch bloody infected wounds with bare hands.

4 When one is covered in welts no one mentions it or cares enough to help her in any way

5 They amputate an arm through the bone instead of the elbow, without sedatives (which they have), with a cleaver when they have scalpels and without trying anything first.. such as surgery or burning.

6 They believe a room is bug-proof for no apparent reason and do not block vents or doorjambs.

7 A full body check is done without lifting her arms, checking her hair or uncovering her ankles.

8 When the psychotic guy is disarmed they let him keep the gun he is threatening them with.

9 The psycho is infected but is oddly afraid of who around him is infected.

10 A window to an infested room is shot out and they gather to look inside.

11 Calling for help is the last thing they think of when naratively it should have been the first.

12 They also apparently have internet but don't think about it.

13 Val cuts his arm to get infected when the bugs show no need for such an invite.

14 Despite the danger fire is not thought of by anyone till the end.

 

And that's just for starters.. there are dozens of gaffs and jarring flaws at every turn. There is not one human being in the entire movie.. everything is stilted, flat and lacking anything like a human response. There was a good movie here believe it or not but at no step does anyone do a practical or believable action.

 

Even if this wasn't released theatrically and lacks Nic Cage, which might make it ineligible for the rules of this cast, i highly recommend for people who love to sit and rip on a movie.. there is endless material here for and evening with friends.

 

And if that doesn't sell it.. how about a line of dialog: "Isn't there that frog?" randomly stated at the sight of bugs on a mammoth.