voichicoski

turns out all of his prior albums actually had laugh tracks. the audience just didn't laugh once.

you can now take "take at face value" at a discount price with coupon code BANGBANG.

i pitch stars spit in the tar pits. it a show about celebreties hocking loogies at la brea.

thank you for not hurting me, hammer. and thank YOU for convincing him to stop before he could do any damage. this grammy is for you.

my new phone can film a time-prolapse! not a good function in hindsight.

R.I.P. reest in pieces.

brian wilson didn't name the album "pet sounds" due to the fact that all of the sounds in that album were made exclusively using PET bottle recycling recycled bottles for you to piss and shit all over the concept of converting waste into new materials and objects and not even considering converting your metaphorical waste onto new allegorical materials and objects like that, mister!

just remember ALL CRAPS when you spell the dice game

you've got to understand where the "pirates of the caribbean: at world's end" me ends and the "batman begins" me begins!

goo-goo ga-ga... gooey?

fool me once... please fool me. i can't take any more of reality.

daddy, daddy, are you proud of me? i no longer have to use my hands when i pee.

the only rules i follow are not worshiping graven images and the rule of threes in comedy.

la-di-da-di, we like to party, we're big on punctuality, fill this slip because you're tardy.

yummy! smells like it tastes like chicken.

welcome to the margaret thatcher theater museum. we hate ourselves.

pogs are the anti-condom

i hate being so cold that i have to resort to onomatopoeiae to express myself

i'm crying wolf at a sheep convention this weekend. next month my cousin, marvin berry, is crying wolfle at a sheeple convention.

call me kasparov i'm getting checks while i'm mating/deep blue's blue balls blew up from all the waiting

hey kid, you've made it big. tonight you're going down on a lady. and that lady is history herself.

malcolm in the middle is a show about a boy named malcolm and he stars on a show called the middle which i assume it refers to the middle of uranus, the planet the show takes place in.

a "scarecrow", in scare quotes, is just a guy, hung up by two sticks.

that might be a cute play on words, but it is not an acute play on words.

bumplug