PaulHogue

And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the number of years you'll spend in prison.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will apparently fear no prepositions.

Mr. President, I'm starting to think you don't even want to welcome the cries of the martyrs!

Sweetheart, grandma's gone to a better place. She hated the suburbs.

We welcome you with open arms, so we'd appreciate it if you would put on a mask and leave the forceps alone.

I'm going to have to dilate your pupils, so I hope they like donuts.

If I could build you a castle, I would, but you should realize what a horrible waste of time that would be.

Live, from the top of the Chrysler Building! We're right next to the North Loop Kia past where that Shakey's burned down.

Casper is a friendly ghost, but someday he's going to hear his origin story.

I know we find it uncomfortable to talk about those bumps around the nipple, but it's time we have a serious national conversation.

You are the grout in the tiled shower of my cheap-ass life motel. Sorry about the pee.

If the world is a packet of ramen you bought at the Asian food store, I am the fishlike cartoon creature on the label you can't identify.

Be honest, does this dress make my ass look mawkish?

Charlie Rose is so evil, his favorite pizza topping is glitter.

The Lord is my shepherd...so get your own, you lazy bastard.

Most p*rn films are made in Southern California. So, if you ever move here, don't buy any used furniture.

Okay, open your mouth and hold this under your tongue for three minutes, because I'm sure that's a skill set you've developed.

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. That's why I use L'Oréal.

Okay, before I left work I checked the Earwolf page and saw the description for the new episode. Like an idiot, I googled "Talkin' Tang" because I was pretty excited that Jason would be launching a new podcast. I may not be employed when I get back. Heynong Man.