PaulHogue

Eartha Kitt's real name was Jupitera Supplies, but she had to change it because someone else with that name already had a SAG card.

Love can take you places you've never been. I'm sorry, did I say love? I meant trains. Trains can take you places you've never been.

Don't deny it, I know you feel the same way I do. I assume this because we are both standing in lava.

I can smell your fear. Also, I can smell your shampoo. Wait, I can't smell your fear anymore.

Some say the fruit of the tree of knowledge was an apple, and some say a pomegranate. I say it was barbecue. You're welcome.

Is somebody ever gonna bring up that "Uber" is German for "Over?" Does this not bother anyone?

Some call me the "Gangster of Love," and some leave off the "of love" part, and just call it "racketeering."

Give a man a fish...no, sorry...teach a man to fish, and he'll grow his own...wait, that's not it either. Okay, I know fish is in there, for sure...

I have stared in the face of Death, and marveled at how good Death's skin looks for his age.

My bologna has a first name, but it's in Hungarian, so don't even fucking bother.

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the number of years you'll spend in prison.

This is one of my favorite in-studio episodes in the whole series! Steve Agee needs to be on as often as possible, btw.

Fade in...close-up of elderly man in mirror with blank expression, mouthing the wrong words to "I Took A Pill in Ibiza"...fade to black.

You're all wonderful young ladies, but I'm afraid we can only crown one Thumbtack Queen.

Is this your toaster, Aquaman? Is this really your toaster?

Death be not proud, nor a strong swimmer, so welcome to my incredibly dangerous pool party.

I would rather die a thousand deaths than go to bed before I finished this level of Uncharted 4.

Question #1: Curling is to the Olympics as blank is to anal.

It's greater to have loved and lost than to never have made excuses for the odd sounds from your basement.

You know, Vladimir...I'm starting to think you don't even WANT to have unfettered power over all of humanity!

Have Nicole on often! She was hilarious. I think this is going to be one of the best of the year. I really wish we could have had June's input though. There would have been an amazing Kumite theory!

Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't. That's why I use L'oreal.

This week, Dateline presents a new best-of "To Catch a Predator: The Little Prince Edition."

That rash didn't get there all by itself, Monty Hall! I mean, I'll take what's behind door number three.

Your girlfriend explaining to your friends her previously unmentioned enthusiasm for eugenics was filmed before a live studio audience.