LARDdischarge

It's hard to know when your fingers are tired, but easy to know if your head is on fire.

There's a lot of fish in the sea, and I've kissed a ton of girls.

So many fish in the sea, and they all smell like pussy.

So many fish in the sea, and they all smell like shit.

Crop tops make me pee sweat.

I'm living large on a river barge, where I'm in charge of a dude named Marge.

Snowboards are just skateboards with small tits.

Walnuts are just almonds with cancer.

Oboes are just arrogant bassoons.

I have 99 problems, and a caring lover who respects me ain't one!

I larked in the park 'til half past dark, then I pranced at the dance in my dancy pants. Oh, twer I had time to slime my virile prime atop this stately vagine!

In the throws of ecstatic passion, I accidentally slipped out of one hole and into another. Needless to say, my bowling game was off that night.

Kissing is very chill.

Find me in the shower, find me in the shed. I'm resting here in power, I'm wishing I were dead.

Man this economy's really tanked. I'm just glad I have plans tonight.

Buttery Tuttery the principled Duddery is beffudery with Genitalddery Wartutteries.

Grad school is for sad fools. Drop-outs are such cop-outs. Seniors? Bunch of wieners. Freshmen? Oily Yes men. But pre-K? Now THAT is SEXAY.

A lemon, a lime / a hemin, a crime / a Yemen, a horrific human rights crisis.

Bavarian Barbarians barbacked back-to-back bicentennial bar mitzvah's. "Bar-B-Q! Bar-B-Q blow-out below deck!" barked the Bavarians. "Boo!" bellowed the Jews.

I'm happiest just before the dawn, when it's darkest and I can be naked without ridicule.

Dealing with pealing the paint off my ceiling has rendered me reeling from long forgot feelings.

Slip me a ten and I'll squelch out two fives.

I know I'm just this conservative talk show host asshole, but, like, I wanna wear pussy hats sometimes too, you know?

Hi-didly-dee, a pirates life for me. Hi-didly-dum, a finger in your bum.

Ticklish Tina, the tinese kitten, had a bum leg and her heart stopped tickin'. Catchin sex miles with a tight rod. I'm sans la raison. I hope the smoky ham's in this bun.