LARDdischarge

Kitchens are hot spots for trash food.

Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee. I smoked pot with Paula Dean.

A punch to the gut is worth a lunch in the butt.

I'll willy nilly all over ya'll's frilly lilies.

I typed my name in Porn Hub's search bar, but nothing came up.

May all people unite as one big skin ball with a trillion teeth.

The hair down there sticks mainly to my chair.

The leaves in Speaves stay mainly in the trees.

Twas a land of Vampyre and Frankensteins. The Vampyre liked it sideways, but the Frankensteins were made of decaying body parts and were, thus, not sexually viable.

It was an age of Vampyre and Lycan. The Vampyre thoughts they were all 10's but were actually 6's, and the Lycan ate chum like freaks.

It's hard to gloat when you're naturally bloat(ed).

Some day I'll find that big golf course in Heaven, and there Jesus and I will outsource all of our manufacturing to Hell, where the labor laws are lax.

Some day, I'll play 18 holes with God, and then we can both ignore our wives and children.

Beyond me lies opportunity ripe for the pickin'. Behind me is a birthday cake I stuck my dick in.

The Devil went down to Georgia. He was looking for a Geo-cache, but when he found it, all it had inside was a mirror. And that's when Satan realized he had a goatee.

I have more chins than a Chinese fat person.

Your mom's so caring, she filled my mouth with herring. She's a bird. I am too.

I have to wait til it rains to get a shower, which sux.

It's a slippery slope when you puff on the dope.

Boiled eggs are the ultimate fast food. You don't even have to peal them.

It's hard to forgive, but easy to stay inside the bathroom all die, sitting on the toilet and waiting to see what comes out.

I looked upon the evening sky / and wondered idly how I'd die / and then my mommy asked me why / my dick was stuck inside a pie.

Meow, you could chip a tooth on those frogs legs.

I sat upon the washing machine/ until I felt it in my spleen / and twixt my legs burst forth a sheen / of viscous mucus most supreme.

Being naughty is better than getting caughty being not-naughty on a bad boy potty.