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Posts posted by LARDdischarge
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Sigh. How's it going, cold, lonely wiener? Sigh.
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I went to the mall / into a bathroom stall / and made a secret call / to my friend named Paul / then he had the gall / to criticize my drawl / and my use of "ya'll" / Â well guess what Paul? / Into your house I'll crawl / and remove your last ball.
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My momma always told me I gotta protect my heart from greedy heart surgeons.
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My legs cramp when its damp, and they jerk when its derk. I beg my legs, "Go slack and kick back." And then? They kick my dick.
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There are many reasons to hide in my bathroom, but I never cared about any of them until I discovered that I could put my portable shower head down my pants.
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There are so many reasons to submit catchphrases, but I never cared about any of them until I heard Scott Aukerman choose this catchphrase.
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I before E except after the night is darkest just before the C.Â
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Caring is sharing unless you're sharing herrings, in which case, it's scaring. Me.
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My crappy pappy got a slappy. He took a nappy. Now he's happy.
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I'm dissatisfied; therefore I submit catchphrases to Comedy Bang Bang.
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Sometimes, I miss the good old days, when everyone was a Christian.
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Psalm Fifty: "And God spoketh, 'You fucking assholes. What the fuck is going on? I'd fucking spank each and every one of your dumb butts if I had hands.'"
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Psalm 88.5: "And God said, 'My enemies are so fucking dumb. Â I can't even believe it.'"
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Those who oppose me shall boil alive in a fiery wrath cocktail. Love, God.Â
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Honey I flunked the Trig.Â
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I told my girlfriend I don't like blow jobs, and now she's taken up knitting. What should I do?
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I bought all this art, but I'm still an asshole.
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Dark thoughts / They never get better / The longer you're living / The darker they get / Someday I'll get a lobotomy / My loved ones keep telling me / Don't do it yet.
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For my money, there is no better thrill than the one you get when saying, "For my money."
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Bitter? I barely know her! Oh, sorry, No, I don't make cocktails; I just wear denim aprons.
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A penis, or a bumpy scar where the penis used to be before a horrible accident. It's all the same in the dark.
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My artificial intelligence therapist stole my identity and purchased a human skin for $500 on the dark web.Â
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As far as I'm concerned, Satan is the original immigrant.Â
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Incest is a quest best left to test after a good night's rest.Â
Hello lady co-workers! Hot Scott the Man-bot is in the house. Who wants a lingering hug? Hm? Maybe a nice grabby high five with my hand and your butt? Hm? No one? What's this lawyer doing in my office?
in New Catchphrase Suggestions
Posted
Hello lady co-workers! Hot Scott the Man-bot is in the house. Who wants a lingering hug? Hm? Maybe a nice grabby high five with my hand and your butt? Hm? No one? What's this lawyer doing in my office?