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Posts posted by gigi-tastic

  1. I missed out on commenting on last week's episode ( I was trying to help a friend make her weird tiny church look somewhat decent for the pastor's new stepdaughter's sudden wedding. it was.... well it was. The groom's "witness" wore baggy jeans and a hoodie. He looked like he just rolled out of bed and was hungover.) but I really felt like I needed to express my deep seeded distrust of dolphins. I feel about dolphins as June feels about robots. They are Not To Be Trusted. There is a legit season every year where dolphins kill porpoise babies and play with the corpses. They are the rapists of the deep and are apparently riddled with STDS (which no judgement on people / animals with stds. Just on Dolphins ). Oh and worst of all THEY ARE SMART AND CAN GO DAYS WITHOUT SLEEPING.


    i just... it had to be said. Also i don't know if anyone else mentioned that Dolphins get high in the wild by hitting blow fish with their snouts and getting pricked by their spines . Clearly Pufferfish is the gateway drug to heroin. I wouldn't be shocked if Jones was a drug dealer to all the other ocean life. Some poor beluga whale is out there in that world turning tricks at Future Seaworld to pay for his debilitating drug habit AND WE ALL KNOW WHO GOT HIM STARTED.


    Thank you and I promise to shut up about dolphins forever now. Let me know if we ever do a movie about my mortal enemy Geese. You're all in for it then.

    • Like 2

  2. I've always been curious how much Paul, or the interns, actually even read the recommendations section. I know Paul has asked here for suggestions but there are hundreds of posts in the recommended movies.


    I know Paul had said things like "people have said for years to do this movie" but does anyone know how much is from the recommendations threads. I'd assume, at this point, Paul gets recommendations every day in person, Twitter, Facebook, etc.


    I assume they get a ton but i don't know how many they take in. I feel like they probably know what they want to put themselves through and have like a set idea of what movies they will do and won't do.


    I'm still shocked and sad we have never done Showgirls. It's really one of the best shitty movies of all time. The pool sex scene alone. I don't know which version is more bizarre original or the tv movie one which..how and why they thought it was a good idea to put THIS movie on tv ??? (thy had to cgi bras on Elizabeth Berkeley to show it on tv. I think if you have to CGI THINGS ON TO YOUR ACTRESS maybe just maybe this movie isn't for tv.)The only thing I hate is the awful party ending with the musician. (for the longest time I thought he was a magician). I legitimately cannot watch that scene. I think it might be too popular to do though.

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    A phoenix is just so on the nose, though. Like I just hear him talk about what he wants. "It's a phoenix. It's head held high. A cry of triumph on its beak. It's wings spread heroically on my back - rising from the ashes. And, do you want to know a secret? I'm that Phoenix."


    PLUS it's just so bad! Like I have a badly done tattoo ( it's too high on my wrist and is thus very faded and has lots of little lines through it. Thankfully it's just words) . Still his looks like he got a buddy of his drunk and let him practice on his back.

    • Like 1

  4. Not Queen Of The Damned?

    The day we do Queen of the Damned is the day my angsty tween (still unknown) bi self does the dance of joy.


    Looking back I completely understand why I was so obsessed with this movie and it had everything to do with Aaliyah. Honestly it still does but I now also love the utter campy fun of it all.

    • Like 3

  5. 1. Jason stopping on "Info Wars" when reading the intro.

    2. Jessica St. C screaming near the end when the ghost in the machine is discussed.

    3. Smash Mouth is terrible. I've never liked them, and don't understand JSC's fascination.


    Nice work, gang.


    Also, did I miss the discussion of Johnny's negative sideburns?



    Oh god you are all far to classy to watch Real housewives (unless you do??) but this reminds me of the only one I watch (New Jersey!) one of the husbands uses colored hair spray stuff to make it look like he isn't going bald and he got in a fight with his brother in law and it got all over both of them. God Bless the messy ass Giudices and Gorgas.

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    Yes, Smash Mouth only had songs in the first Shrek movie, though I believe the ad campaigns for Shrek 2 did use their songs as well.


    By the way, Smash Mouth are NOT happy to have their career success attributed to Shrek.










    It's true, though. "All Star" was already an ubiquitous hit song before any Shrek movies came out.



    I'm super late this time and I'm sure no one cares but.... for some odd reason I was obsessed with Rat Race as a kid and they make a cameo in that. I feel like they sang All Star in that as well? I could be wrong ( I probably am).

  7. Since it came up in the episode, apparently Mr. Mullen's company designs malls and Chester "sells" the retail space - which seems kind of weird.


    In the scene where Chester is asking for a promotion they have this exchange:


    Mr. Mullen: The new mall in the south district. Boy, what a beauty.


    Chester: I'll sell this space out in no time, Mr. Mullen. Have no fear, Chester is here.



    So has the mall been built yet?

    Is this like the episode of The Magic School Bus where they want to build a mall on the swamp and Carlos has to argue against Arnold's scary cousin?



    How do I have this information in my brain?

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    Here's a pic of Bess' first husband (Matthew's father.)



    and here's her current husband (after Chester passed)



    I feel like maybe she's a secret Black Widow going after easy prey but no one TOO wealthy or in the spot light so she isn't caught? Three months after their wedding Chester's gonna have a "sudden" heart attack and it's on to the next schmuck.

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    Also, as one of the older kids on a soccer team that her parents have sponsored and fervently championed for years, it's strange that this is her first season. Unless it took this long for her parents to finally pressure her into joining the team. But if they KNEW she sucked, why pressure her at all, especially if all they are interested in is winning?


    I hate that I've spent my time thinking about all this.

    The only thing I could thing of was maybe her parents have been trying to get her into a sport she DOESN'T suck at? Like they just have a list of stuff and every year she has to try out for something? I have no idea. My mom tried to get me to join all kinds of stuff as a kid like Girl Scouts which I quit once I realized we didn't get to eat the cookies and it was nothing like Troop Beverly Hills . Nary a fashion show to be seen! Karate didn't pan out either because I assumed it meant I would be kicking ass and taking names after three classes.

    By the time jr high/ middle school came around I was DONE.

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  10. Mommie Dearest? I mean, for pure batshittery it's hard to beat.


    I've never seen it all but i always seem to find it on tv around the bit where Joan is admonishing her house keeper for not moving a potted plant to wash under it (or wash the plant?) and says something like "I'm not mad at you I'm mad at the dirt!"

  11. Dangerfield looks upset whenever his wife shows up and says i love u as a lie to distract when son is sneaking in drag. The lady who faint at mall was great. 12 year old dont skinny dip



    I hate to admit this but I skinny dipped ONCE when I was like 11 at our pool with a friend (why I do not know) and y mom's friend from next door like pulled a Wilson from Home Improvement and popped over our fence to ask me to go get my mom who was in inside and WOULD NOT go away and I distinctly remember having to get out from my floaty castle and i had to run as fast as I could ass naked to the deck in full view of this woman and my friend who was hiding and laughing

    i have never skinny dipped since that day nor will I.

  12. It's a hard ticket to say anything about a movie where there are equal numbers of bras and bazookas ... and the only bra in the movie was worn by a man.


    But I will say that I was pleasantly surprised by the movie's treatment of the Michelle/Michael character. I like others figured that Michelle was a man the second the character spoke, and I was almost immediately on-guard for a trans-phobic Ace Ventura "Finkel is Einhorn" moment considering the ridiculous racism and casual mentions of rape that had already taken place on-screen by that moment. But no ... the wig and make-up just came off and no mention of it was ever really made after that. The worst is when Taryn calls her the "wannabe female bartender." So, kudos (?) to this movie's one progressive-ish moment.


    However, as much as I loved Andrea Savage on the show, she needs to let go of the word "transvestite." No judgement really, since I didn't know until recently how pejorative that word has become.


    YES! Every time she said it I cringed so hard.

  13. This movie is a gem. I wanted to submit these illuminating Andy Sidaris quotes (he also refers to a never-made sequel to Hard Ticket called BattleZone Hawaii):




    "We've never shown anything below the waist, and we don't do any bumping and grinding or any of that crap. We just do a little bit of sexy stuff. I like our pictures, because they're nice little adventure pictures. They're not mean-spirited, and I think you know that. In our movies, we don't put a knife to some girl's throat and say "We're gonna cut your t*** off, or cut your throat." We don't do crap like that. We have a family atmosphere, we pay well, and we pay on time."




    What are your future plans?: "Arlene and I have taken a hiatus in order to get up to speed on our company and our ongoing projects. We are now ready to get back into production. I’ve written a pretty exciting outline for BattleZone Hawaii with all the usual ingredients; many exotic locations, fabulous explosions, extraordinarily beautiful Playboy Playmates and Penthouse Pets, extremely handsome men; some of whom can’t shoot straight but their hearts are in the right place and, most importantly, the snake that was killed in Hard Ticket to Hawaii, laid an egg prior to its death. This egg is hatched and just like its mother this huge, cancerous-infected python is mad as hell!!! Wow! I can’t wait to see this movie."




    Nothing says family friendly like topless women in a Jacuzzi. Also ... was threatening to cut people's tits ( I'm assuming it's tits and not... taint? A euphemism for vagina? God it's even worse if it is something else) off a thing? I've never seen a bad guy threaten a woman's breasts before. Pretty sure I would be more scared of my throat being slit then my boobs being cut off. Though it is SO deranged that it might actually make me more scared because clearly my attacker is utterly unhinged and might do anything. I guess maybe more movie villains need to start threatening tits/taints


    I also am 100% here for baby snake vengeance

  14. So glad this movie was covered as I'd seen the skateboard scene many times but had no idea where it was from. I had a hard time remembering any character’s name, so eventually I paired things down to Blonde #1 and #2 and Dumb Dildo Ryu and Ken (plus Sports Dildo).


    I have a lot of sympathy for the snake. Imagine the life it lead prior to when we first see it. It was either born into captivity or it was cruelly taken from its home and/or a possible family to a medical research facility, to be injected with who knows what and given rat cancer. Each day must feel like eternity until one miraculous moment when a shipping error finds the snake in a tropical paradise. It's free, maybe for the first time ever. Alone, except for the memories of how it suffered at the hands of men, lamenting the life it never and will never have, slowing dying of cancer. The snake eventually comes across the happy honeymooning couple, which represent everything that has been taken away from it. Maybe it's hunger, or instinct, or just an emotional lapse, but it kills them. Its life force ebbing away, the snake finds a cool dark place to rest in and die (the pipe under the women’s bungalow). Does it dream while it settles here? I would assume there would be nothing but nightmares. Perhaps awakening from and trying to flee these nightmares, it bursts up through the toilet, but the snake sees its reflection in the mirror, the haggard specter staring back causes the snake to have another breakdown, shattering the mirror and trashing the bathroom.

    Pathetically the snake crawls toward Blonde #2 begging for release from this hell. It sees the smuggler jerk from earlier who had tried to hurt it, recognizes that he wants to harm this woman, and kills him not just for his transgressions against the snake but to save the snake's unlikely saviors. Having helped someone in its final moments the snake finds peace and is ready to truly be free. Unfortunately, the woman shoots the snake non-fatally in the face twice before it is blown up by Dumb Dildo Ken’s rocket launcher. That's your hard ticket to Hawaii.

    This is quite possibly the best interpretation of this film. I NEED this dramatic masterpiece to come to the screen. I also request that a sequel be made where in the snakes child sets out on a bloody path of vengeance Kill Bill style to destroy all those who have wronged not only it's father, and family but ALL of snake kind! In this sequel I'm going to need a training montage, at least one vision of the deceased snake speaking to his son/daughter, a scrappy sidekick best friend (maybe a chameleon though it doesn't have to be another lizard. A poison dart frog could work), a wise mentor who may or may not be too old for this shit (I'm thinking an iguana), and dramatic double cross. Should there be anything else?

    Clearly Jason, June and Paul would have to be in both.


  15. As Paul said on the show, this is a movie about poor judgement, and he's absolutely right, but there is one moment in the movie where J Lo's poor judgement is totally unforgivable. At the end of the movie, J Lo calls Kristin Chenoweth and Noah plays a recorded message that ends ends with Chenoweth screaming. At this point, she has destroyed all the files on his computer and he is holding her friend hostage, there is absolutely no reason for her to not call the police. What bad thing could possibly happen to her she does? Even though she doesn't know that Chenoweth is already dead, she does know that she's being held captive. So, if she calls the police and they go out to the house, they are going to find the murdered body of her friend and her son and estranged husband being held hostage by a crazy psychopath. She's destroyed the evidence of their hookup at this point! Do you really think, when they see the grisly remains of her friend, the police are going to believe anything Noah tells them? She is all but in the clear, all she has to do is not go to that fucking house!


    Also, when she does go to the house and discovers Chenoweth's body, it would probably be a good idea that when she runs out and gets into her car, that she maybe locks the goddamn door and drives away before she tries to FINALLY call the police.


    Also she might want to let the police know that he's killed before and to check out a 2006 mini van in the car storage area, that clearly all police have

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  16. I would like to talk a little bit more about Claire's sobriety in the movie--specifically as it relates to her decision to have sex with Noah.


    Although the movie makes an attempt to indicate otherwise, I find it really hard to believe that she was so drunk in that moment and that she didn't know what she was doing. The scene starts with her in her house drinking some wine, we don't really know how much she's drunk, but she's holding the bottle so I think it's safe to assume she's drank less than one bottle. Next, Noah calls her on the phone because he's having chicken related issues.* So, she comes over, cooks an entire chicken (which takes some time), and then eats it with him! Based on the fact that her starting sobriety was at a level that she was able to do that, plus the time it would take to cook and eat, I don't understand how she can wake up the next morning with a "what happened last night?" look on her face. I think it was just another way for this movie to justify her decisions, but ends up just looking dumb. She's an adult woman, currently separated from her husband who engages in consensual sex with another adult. Why does movie feel the need to keep making excuses for her? Although I knew the movie would eventually go sideways, there's no reason for her not to hook up with a sexy younger guy. The movie doesn't need to apologize for her actions!


    ETA: Just in case what I wrote gets misunderstood, I'm not saying another person can always judge how drunk someone may or may not be. I'm just saying this movie seemed to be trying to play it both ways. If they wanted her to be drunk in the moment, then they needed to show that and make it clear through acting and storytelling. And if they wanted to show her making this decision sober, then that should have been clear as well.


    *How did he even get her cell number? Was he like, "Yo, Kevin--let me get your mom's digits?" Also, he calls her because he tried "defrosting" a chicken, but half of it is still frozen and he wants to know if he can eat the defrosted parts. Look, I get this is just a ruse to get her to come over, but seriously, the answer is unequivocally "no!" You just defrosted the chicken, dude. You still have to cook it! This should have definitely been a red flag to Claire that this "kid" wasn't all there.



    I was thinking the same thing! I don't think she was anywhere near drunk enough to black out if her reflex were good enough to cook an entire chicken. I've never cooked an entire chicken before but I do know it takes about an hour to make some chicken breasts, longer if not properly defrosted. That gives some time to let her body fight off the booze. Then when you factor in that she ended up eating that would also help with her sobriety. Also, I clearly don't know her tolerance levels, but for most people a few glasses of wine is not going to get you so utterly drunk that you black out. If she was drinking hard liquor like vodka or whiskey, yeah that would do it but then we would be back to the issue of how she manged to cook a whole chicken. I'm assuming knife skills were needed at some point.


    On the uncooked chicken bit, i do know some really stupid teenagers that maybe could think they had cooked the chicken but I highly doubt it. You can tell when a chicken is raw vs when it's cooked, even just a little bit.

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  17. I missed the memo about the change but luckily I was already well aware of the film. I first came across it when I learned about Judd Productions, which is a very interesting production house because 40% of their films each year turn out to be flops. And surprisingly this was not one of them. Jason Judd gave Rob Cohen, director of Dragonheart and the orignal Fast and Furious, a budget of 4.5 million to make this movie and the film made about 50 million. There is an interesting story put together by NPR's Planet Money, episode 650 (I had to go back and look it up) that talks about this movie.



    Hey Wino moms have to have something to do after they take the kids to school. I'm assuming this had a similar crowd to 50 Shades, but instead of a semi porn they can justify it because of the thriller angle. I honestly don't know, I'm assuming youngish moms in their 30's and 40's are JLo's prime audience.

  18. I loved how into the female gaze/ slant Jason was. I always love when he brings up interesting stuff like this and when they actually examine the movies text/subtexts just as much as when they trash it. Truly enjoyable episode.


    No idea if anyone's mentioned this but from the few clips i watched though I really have to ask what the hell kind of school J Loe is teaching at. The outfit in the "first edition" Iliad scene would never have been ok in my high school. Her shirt is practically falling off of her, but that could be because it looks like it's two sizes too big. It's been a while but most of my female teachers all kind of looked like they worked in an office on semi casual Friday. I'm honestly not sure if they wore jeans and we were pretty laid back with the dress code compared to some schools. Again I only saw a few clips because i totally forgot about looking up what movie was going to be discussed

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  19. As we are told, each side of this war is "desperate to rebuild and rearm" and that is why they need Sam Hell to impregnate as many women as possible. But even if he pulls it off, when is the govt expecting these offspring to start fighting? Is the unmade sequel some type of Frogtown/Super Babies crossover film? And if the legal age limit didn't change for 18... that means the govt is expecting this war to last close to two decades before these kids can start helping out.

    Exactly what I was thinking! ok so maybe not compleatly what i was thinking . I will admit at first I was hoping for a crazy army of babies because ... nothing else in this film makes sense so why the fuck not

  20. also, in the mini thread i said this was the most GIF-able movie ever ... please indulge me for a while


    do you remember when you were in class and some joker down the back would let one rip:





    and i think we can all agree this movie has the best acting ever .... but the eye acting was amazing ... a few examples





    little old lady getting VAN DAMMMEEDDD





    and this just made me laugh ... his change in expression









    thanks for your time

    these make me think maybe Tyra Banks isn't responsible for smizing after all

    • Like 1