SideofMcG

I was raised by mimes but when I turned my back on the art they never spoke to me again.

Thanksgiving, Scmanksgiving, Spanksgiving oooh la la

Everyone's talking about new improved quality, high-res, original flavour, caffeine-free, alcohol-enriched, bubble-soft, organic, GMO, top of the line, second-to-none, water.

I think the helicopter was Building Guy's. The bad guys were going to jump.

There's no point tie-dyeing over spilt milk.

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Bad Guy to Building Guy: "You know I can't kill you." 10 seconds later fires automatic weapon at him repeatedly. Gee I guess he just plain forgot about that no-killing him thing, huh?

An eye for an eye leaves the whole world in an equitable if ultimately pointless barter system.

Selling sea shells by the sea shore is a bad business model. The ocean is giving 'em away for free baby!

Don't blame my ass for this. It just twerks here.

There once was a man from Nanfuckit. Whose punchlines came too early.

As soon as I saw that trailer I had the same reaction! GEOSTORM!!!!

Don't Kinks-shame me for being a dedicated follower of fashion.

This 12am marathon screening of Midnight Run is a little too on the nose for my taste.

There's no room on this caboose for a spruced up Bruce who won't cut loose.

It's Monday and just like Garfield, I have fleas.

Top o' the morning, midriff of the afternoon and ass crack of the evening to ya.

Choke on my woke jokes you cloaked-bloke slow-poke

I was brau-beaten by my ex-wife. She pelted me with beer cans until I left her.

Skittle me once. Shame on me. Skittle me twice. Shame on the rainbow.

I hate marathons, sprints, hurdles. The whole lot. That's right - I'm a race-ist.

Shove it where the sun don't shine boy. That's right - I want you to shove it in Finland during wintertime.

Skittles! Skittles! Skittles! Skittles!

A friend in need is a friend indeed but a friend in tweed is not dressed like Lou Reed.

I'd rather have botox in front of me than a font throw a box at me.