SideofMcG

Had I known then what I know now I wouldn't have blown Ben when I could have said Ciao.

Lego Movies? It does when I stepsies on it that's for suresies.

What I want to know is who was the first weirdo to look at a cow and think, "I'm gonna dress that up in my wife's frock and teach it to sing." Amiright?

When life gives you lemons. Pay for those lemons. This ain't no citrus charity Life's running here.

And remember Kids... because it was a weird movie.

They can hula hoop but they can't cure that croup.

Your mother's a crisis actor. And she's up for an award! Congratulations!

Comedy Bang Bang is filmed in front of a live studio audience. In stereo where available. I bet we've been together for a million years!

Suffering from Shingles and Ready to Mingle!

Swing low Sweet Chariot. Go for their kneecaps Sweet Chariot. Why did I call my axe Sweet Chariot?

In France this month is known as Froggy Doggy. And Christmas dinner is known as La Grande Poop.

'Tis a consummation December to be wished

"I want April, gimme April" (dat pill)

May Eisley Cantina Band

Julyemy Piven

Despite all my rage I am still just a wig on Nick Cage.

Do not do doughnuts down on Knotts Berry Farm said the Pillsbury Dough Boy and you'll come to no harm.

Chubby Checker in the sheets. Chubby Checker in the streets. Chubby Checker has access to a cloning machine. Chubby Checker cannot be stopped. Chubby Checker must be killed or humanity is doomed.

Hi to everyone listening to this on the toilet at work. Dumping and getting paid - you're the real heroes!

Poor People should just make some money. Simple really. My seminar explains it all - sign up now for just 5,000 dollars.

I Chew Chew Chews on the New New News. And that's why I got fired from CNN but that sweet Wrigley's dollar made it all worthwhile.

As Groucho Marx once said, "I wouldn't want to be part of a catchphrase that would misquote me so badly."

Deckard the Halls with Voight-Kampff tests. Fa la la la la, la la Bladerunner

Hi I'm ironically-named celebrity flat-earther Jimmy Globe and welcome to Comedy Flim Flam.

Little Bo-Peep lost her sheep, but she gained 10lbs of pure muscle using the patented SHEPARD LIFTING SYSTEM. Do you even lift Bo?