SideofMcG

Start your day the way I start every show - with three minutes of sustained flatulence.

I've come here to chew bubblegum and buy bubblegum. And I'm all out of bubblegum which is why I need to buy some. Do you sell bubblegum Ma'am?

It's a law of nature that opposites attract. So what I'm trying to say is you must be an ugly moron because I like you.

I can't be agoraphobic, some of my best friends are open spaces.

Dude, wears my cardigan, were's my wolf and wares my house?

You can't turn back the clock but you can return that wok. Non-stick my ass!

Coulda Woulda Shoulda Mudda, here I am at Camp Granada.

Dim sum for my real friends, real sums for my dim friends.

This is Grade A Catchphrasing guys.

Sad sweet creamer, it's just one of those things you put down to diabetes.

If you've been affected by any of the issues in this week's Comedy Bang Bang then you've somehow mastered time travel - this is the start.

I've been baking this turd muffin for 'bout a week now. Where's my celebrity cookery show?

It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is Hermann Göring. It's Nazi Hunter Nursery Rhyme time!

Angel in the street. Angel in the sheets. Hi my name is Angel. I'm in the Ku Klux Klan and I'm outside your house right now.

22.86 Centimetres doesn't have the same ring to it. And that's why Trent Reznor went Imperial.

In Britain the band Smashing Pumpkins are just a bunch of guys who have some really great pumpkins.

Scooting around with the scouts in town, was expecting a frown but I got downed by a clown.

Thanks to the new health & safety regulations joking around can no longer mean coking around during office hours. Thanks for understanding coke heads.

Call the Realistic Party Line. Disingenuous girls are awaiting to chat (about you behind your back) now!

Keep it in your pants - a guide to where to store a pocket.

The power of love multiplied by hatred cubed equals your family dynamic this Thanksgiving.

All of the other reindeers used to laugh and trick him into pyramid schemes.

What Would Jesus Do? And other handy questions to absolve yourself of responsibility and just take your cues from your Mexican co-workers.

I'm new here. What's the deal with dental? How often do we get paid? Also, why are we chained to this radiator?

Hello I'm Windy Insides and welcome to the flatulence variety hour.