SideofMcG

I'm not saying your mother is fat. I'm too polite to throw that sort of tawdry insult at an overweight lady. But she is ugly.

Charlie don't surf. He also don't clean up after parties or flush the toilet. Charlie is a terrible roommate.

You had me at Hello. And also over the hood of your car. And in that alley. You've had me everywhere. I'm very easy.

Home Brew, Dome Queue, Gnome Drew and Rome Flew. That's what little girls are made of.

Injured at work? Want to claim compensation? Toughen up cry-baby - you're a UFC fighter.

There's no beeswax like Sloane's beeswax.

Shove your shovels where the sun don't shine, the gavels where the guv'nors grovel and the hobos in the back of your hovel.

It wasn't long before the apes realised I wasn't a silver back gorilla at all. They tore off my dime store mask and my limbs with remarkable ease.

Mustard, ketchup, relish, jelly - I keep my condiments on my telly.

.

Look guys, just because it's on display doesn't mean you can touch it.

Coinstar. Coinstar. Coinstar. Luckily I didn't take the bus this morning - I would have had to turn this off I was laughing so hard.

Wider. Open Up. That's it. Down the Hatch. Yummy. DIRT!

The hip-replacement hep cat hobbled homeward. Hail Hanukkah.

Cause I've been shaving and sharting so long that even my Mama thinks that my mind is gone.

Sports News, High Flues, Jimmy Choos and Subarus - this is some garage sale.

Cleopatra bathed in milk. Earthworm Jim bathed in silk.

Iceberg Ahoy, Hey, Yo! Iceberg Hooray, Hey, Ho. No punchline.

Undercover cop says what?

80's PowerBallad Jesus just wants to help. In other words - Cheesy Jeezy likes to pleezy.

Donate your body to science, but keep your heart for Jesus.

Need to sort out that dry, Itchy, flakey scalp? Then you want a guillotine!

I'm a valedictarian, I only eat valedictorians

Dropkick me Jesus through the #squadgoals of life.

Alternate episode title: Too Soon!