SideofMcG

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I grew pubes.

Gentlemen. You can't compose music in here. This is the Score Room.

Drug me like one of your French girls.

I have it on good authority there's a bad majority in this sorority.

Colonoscopies are the ultimate selfies.

As a comedian it's pretty embarrassing to run out of material. But it's more embarrassing if you're a milliner cause you can't improvise a hat.

We can re-bill him. We have the technology. This new accounting software is positively bionic!

Crustacean time travel. Let's go back and Krill Hitler.

The suggestion box suggested shocks but ingested rocks cause digestive blocks.

You can't polish a turd but you can polish a deli. Heteronyms baby!

Near, far, wherever you are / I believe that the heart does go on. Don't forget to carry your organ donor card with you at all times!

I got laid on a date last week. Dried fruit as a bed? These novelty hotels are crazy!

Trippy Von-Visuals, the German conceptual artist died today and was buried in a custard cloud.

Smothered in cream. Strangled by yoghurt. Death by Chocolate. Sorry no, we don't have a pacifist menu.

Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Three. The Yellow Ribbon means they've been falsely convicted. Free the Ole Oak Three!

"Rig boats not elections!" And other lame mariner slogans.

Treacle down economics. Molasses-based entrepreneurs rejoice!

I got fleas, they're multiplying and I'm losing my job.

Now with all new whitening formula... it's the Mathletics team of the Ku Klux Klan!

What's that Skippy? You're craving the power of speech to tell us to go fuck ourselves? Oh no.... Timmy's stuck in the burning barn again. Gotcha.

Do you know that the Eskimos have 500 different words for how much they hate PewDiePie?

Baked on the bathroom's bargain bidet Barry brooded 'bout Batman's birthday.

Slender Man Diet Shakes. Supernatural Slimming. Drop Those Pounds, Kill Your Friends!

Give a penny, spend a penny. Charity for the urinary-inclined.

Oh what a beautiful Morning, Oh what a beautiful Day, They sure have gorgeous kids do the Morning and Day families.