SideofMcG

Okay.... I just saw the news there. The timing of this catchphrase might be a little bit insensitive.

I'm now twice the size I was as a kid. So if I was half the man I used to be I'd be a Quarterman. That won't work - I know nothing about shipbuilding.

I want to go as a sexually promiscuous woman for Halloween but I'm afraid I'll be slut shamed..... ..... wait no. I'm doing this wrong aren't I?

Sir, while you are right that it's not explicitly forbidden in the rulebook, let me assure you that the chokehold is not a legitimate chess move.

To keep my drinking secret I developed an ingenious code. Beer was "Cold Comfort", Vodka was "Clear courage" and whiskey was "Yum Yum Punchey Juice."

"Add me on Friendster O'Lord and other slightly out of date hymns for today's youth"

It wasn't long before the neophytes noticed that not only was I not one of them but I was in fact just a long length of rubber tubing.

I took my proctologist to the circus. We had ringside seats. "Busman's holiday," he complained.

She was just a small town-girl but her sister, who ate voraciously, would best be described as a huge town-girl. But both did live in a lonely world.

If you aim for the king then you best not miss. Also you're so lucky. Surrogate King Aimer is a pensionable job around these parts. Plus - DENTAL!

Jarles explaining why he was in Earwolf just cracked me up for some reason. Classic..... (Jarles?)

Hey I read your movie script. I'm going to pass it upstairs straight away. Now please release my nephew.

Patchouli Oil - when you absolutely, positively, have to piss off every person in the room, accept no substitutes.

Amadeus. Amadeus. Vape me Amadeus.

A spoonful of sugar makes the diabetes all the more severe.

But crash, what brick through yonder window breaks? It is a big 'un and Juliet is flattened.

Horton Hears a Hordor.

"My name is Siri. I live on your second phone." - Suzanne iVega.

My vegetable boy band is called New Kids On the Chopping Block. Also my French Revolution BoyBand.

Shove it your hoop. Super doop. Gloop a loop. Shamalamadingdong. I'm slowly losing my grip on reality. Please help me. I feel like I'm underwater.

*Record Scratch* Yup, that's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation - owner of Scratch Records.

Through Time Travel Mimes Unravel. Gimme those Revels, I'm replacing them with Gravel.

Time and Tide wait for no man. Why anyone would expect a washing powder to be capable of waiting for anyone is simply beyond me.

Back in my day we had bidets but these days they let shit stay. So on pay day you just stay away and it's may day before we play away. Your ass stinks

In my day a selfie was when you took a photograph of yourself - not this autoerotic asphyxiation lark the kids are into now.