SideofMcG

"Better out than in!" This applies to farts, homosexuals and republican presidents.

The original title of Dracula was Dracula: The Bitey Bastard

The rumours of my demise are greatly exaggerated. Those rumours about my massive schlong are bang on the money though!

Civilised Man is characterised by his unquenchable thirst for knowledge.... and for hard liquor.

Yo. Hey what's happening dude. I'm the guy with the rep for sniffing glue.

Pistols at Dawn. Rifles at Mandy. Any other guns at Kevin. You gotta point 'em at someone after all.

Nice cheddar Cheeseblock. Next time don't forget yo' nachos.

An eye for an eye leaves the whole world in an equitable if ultimately pointless barter system.

Poor Farmer King, all the time he spent building that scarecrow only to have it steal his own wife away from him.

Bigger they are, the harder they fall, the harder they fall, the bigger the bounce back, the bigger the bounce back, the sexier the trampoline display

Nailed it!

Sometimes all you need is hope. But mostly if that's all you've got, you're royally fucked mate.

Come Hingers follow me through the always interesting world of hinges and hinge related paraphernalia.

If you build it they will come. Especially if it is a giant vagina made out of pork produce. Hmm... depraved and delicious!

At the great buffet of life remember to bring your own cutlery, also those prawn rolls have probably been there since Tuesday so I'd say avoid them.

If you're stuck in a box, I will be bored of it, Mime after Mime

Friends, Romans, Countrymen lend me your laxatives. I haven't pooped in weeks.

Life is like a box of chocolates because I'm allergic to both.

Still waters run deep, Muddy Waters runs Chicago

The bigger the cushion the more comfortable your sofa experience.

Floor's not open for questions. Sorry.

Welcome to the launch of my new book - Spanky O'Rectum's Slap Happy Haberdashery and Other Unsuitable Children's Stories. Free douche with every copy!

You know what counselor? I won't allow it. Fuck you.

My other catchphrase is a Wildean one liner

Fucking fuck it sideways in the fucking turf bag fuck mobile shite balls as it was in heaven and always shall be forever and ever amen.