SideofMcG

I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I'll all of out ass tokens, can I borrow some for the machine mister, please?

His name was Robert Paulson. His left leg was a false one.

Coming atcha like Cleopatra.... carried by slaves, bathed in milk and played by Liz Taylor.

Be careful who you sleep with. You can't unscrew someone. But you can unscrew a lightbulb. Maybe we should all just fuck lightbulbs.

I've heard of clickbait but jailbait? That's new on me. Actually it's not. Jailbait is actually the reason that I'm here today. In jail. I'm a monster

The joy on this owl's face is amazing as its child is fitted with a hearing aid and for the first time Horton hears a whoo!

Rock beats Scissors. Scissors beats Paper. Paper beats Rock. So many restraining orders!!!!

If you looked up gullible in the dictionary then you'd probably know its definition.

You can never write off the Germans.

Allow me to shuffle off this mortal coil and slip into something more comfortable.

I had two college qualifications but flunked out of my latest course. My pals mocked me with cruel jibes. You could say they were Third Degree Burns.

In the UK they call Football, American Football - pancakes, American pancakes - and the movie American Psycho they call American American Psycho. Odd.

She sells seashells on the seashore but I'm reporting her to the IRS because that's the kind of crustacean I am.

Nailed it!

Don't cry for me Argentina. Peru, Chile, Bolivia? You can sob all you want, see if I fucking care.

Do the Shake 'n Vac and put the freshness back.... into your sex life! Introducing the new Shake 'N Vac Lube!

Shove it up yer hoop ya bleedin' bollix!

Hopskotch, cherry pops, bass drops and counter tops? This stock take is not going well, we're a diner - why do we have all this shit out back?

Ahhhh there's nothing like a good simile. But if there's nothing like it I suppose it's not that good a simile to begin with. This is confusing.

I'm a loather not a fighter.

The ladies call me Santa Claus cause I only come once a year and I'm completely fictional.

Old Man Jenkins gives me the creeps. But his daughter gives me the crepes. She's a waitress at that haunted French bistro - Chez Spookee.

I've heard of hearing of things but I've never heard of the herding of things. Which is why I lost my job as a shepherd.

My friend is going through a bad time. He's totally divorced from reality. Why he married someone with such a weird name I'll never know.

I'm a Cattle Hustler. Pornography and bovines that's all I'm into.