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Everything posted by achoohorsey16

  1. achoohorsey16

    Me You Madness (2021)

    Terrible wife of Steve Mnuchin directs, writes, and stars in this film about an even worse version of herself who may also be a murderer. For some reason she gets a roommate to live in her giant mansion and it’s Gossip Girl’s Ed Westwick. Turns out he’s there to steal one of her cars. But they fall in love, and when Ed comes back she tried to murder him for stealing the car. Now to be completely fair, I don’t know that the film has released yet, but there’s several trailers and the film seems terrible.
  2. achoohorsey16

    It Takes Two (1995)

    I don’t have a whole lot to say, other than this film is literally The Parent Trap but not The Parent Trap and also stars the Olsen Twins instead of LiLo. Also the twins aren’t related. They just happen to be twins... somehow. Stars the Olsens, Kirsti Alley, and Steve Gutenberg. I find the Olsens insufferable even though as a kid I was obsessed with them. IMDB: https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0113442/
  3. achoohorsey16

    My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006)

    AV Club just did a great retrospective on this film and how bad it is. It's worth a read.
  4. achoohorsey16

    Trailer Talk

    I went ahead and created a public YouTube playlist of all the HDTGM movies (that I could find), so enjoy! Also I have some updating to do, sorry about that. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLBZYknQctAB1O9qYp6CFA6wehZwx35f98
  5. achoohorsey16

    Atlas Shrugged (2011)

    It's been almost ten years since this film came out, and it needs to be reviewed. Each installment of the film (3 films total) had to completely recast every role because I'm sure the earlier actors didn't want anything to do with the series anymore. Anyway, bump.
  6. achoohorsey16

    Collision Course (1989)

    Bump. This movie is also hella racist against Asians. It's shocking how many racist slurs and jokes Jay Leno says.
  7. achoohorsey16

    Picasso Trigger (1988)

    Bump, this would be a fun one.
  8. achoohorsey16

    Dick Tracy (1990)

    Bump this. I saw it for the first time today. Visually it's cool but Beatty is terrible in the role (I'm not really a fan in general tbh) and the plot is as empty as a vacuum.
  9. achoohorsey16

    Ten Inch Hero (2007)

    Holy god bump bump bump. Just saw this movie and it's so terrible in a great way. I will die if they cover this film. Paul - It will not disappoint.
  10. achoohorsey16

    Saving Christmas (2014)

    Bump bump bump. This movie is atrocious. I honestly was speechless after five minutes because of how much talking was in that five minutes. It left me exhausted. Yes, there are some boring, preachy chunks. But the other parts are unbelievably bad and need to be discussed.
  11. achoohorsey16

    Cats (2019)

    You got here before I did. This quote from the I09 review is glorious:
  12. Playmobil: The Movie Dir. Lino DiSalvo Wr. Lino DiSalvo, Blaise Hemingway Star. Anya Taylor-Joy, Gabriel Bateman Oh boy. Well we have a new movie record - This new animated film based on the French toy line has had a crappy opening. According to Variety, "Stx's animated adventure generated less than $1 million despite launching in 2,337 North American theaters and now stands as one of the worst opening weekends of all time." It's interesting to note that the film's ticket entry price was $5, lower than the average movie ticket price. I've never heard of a film doing this before, so if you know of any others, please let us know. I'm sure it was trying to compensate going up against Frozen II. But c'mon, it should have just pushed back release. Or, you know, gone straight to DVD or just never come out. Somehow this movie cost $75 million to make. So it's definitely a write-off for the producers. By the way, Stx was the distributor, and I believe they came up with the $5 ticket price gimmick. And they don't really sounds like they give a shit about having such a flop on their hands - They're not losing money here so who cares? Also, the movie actually played internationally in August. Oversees, it only made $12.5 million. All of these details and more are in that Variety article above.
  13. achoohorsey16

    Caligula (1979)

    I tried watching this movie when I was in college and had to turn it off after 30 minutes. Just too grotesque. And for a movie trying to be sexy, it was anything but.
  14. Dir. Joe Brooks Wr. Joe Brooks & Martin Davidson Starring: Joe Brooks and Shelley Hack The guy who wrote "You Light Up My Life" by Debby Boone wrote, directed, and starred in this movie. In fact, he also wrote and directed the MOVIE "You Light Up My Life," of which the song was written for. He stars as a fictional version of himself, essentially, who's past love keeps gaslighting him and that's supposed to be cute, I guess. She wants to date him, then doesn't, then does, then doesn't, then does. Meanwhile he's miserable even though he makes a lot of money. Speaking of this film, there’s a song in it called California, that was going to be the title of the film, and Debby Boone recorded a song with the same name for the film. It only charted at #50 on the Billboard charts and was dropped from the official soundtrack. Roberta Flack recorded a version of the title song, but that version was also not on the soundtrack. She's said that she hated the song and only did it for a lot of money. Anyway the movie is littered with goofy songs he wrote and sweeping, sappy orchestral filler. It’s almost more of a showcase of his songwriting than a film with a plot. One song is about writing commercial jingles and the contrast between it and the shitty acting is hilarious. It’s almost got dialogue reminiscent of The Room, but not QUITE that bad. You know how in The Room, there’s a lot of scenes of nothing sandwiched between musical score? Ok, same thing here. If you don't know who Joe Brooks is, I suggest a Google search because he's a fascinating guy, for not-so-great reasons. He wrote a lot of commercial jingles and later in life (2009), was charged with over 90 counts of rape or sexual assault as part of a casting-couch scam he worked up with his personal assistant. He committed suicide before the trial, I believe. He also wrote songs for musicians and a bonkers musical in the early 2000's. He seemed like a real piece of shit. His son is in prison for murdering his then-girlfriend (the son's, that is). FUN FACT: Shelley Hack is probably best known for starring in the commercial for the perfume "Charlie." So, hell of an actress. I would provide some second opinions, but the movie was released in VHS and nothing else since, so I don't think it would even be on Amazon. However, I did find the movie on YouTube here, if you're interested. Some people in the comments seems to give the film high praise. I don't get it. It's a very bland, bad movie. Also, Joe Brooks deserves to be shamed for the creepy fuck he was. Has anyone else actually seen this film? I had only heard about it recently and that's how I stumbled across the film on YouTube, and I watched the whole thing and also fell asleep.
  15. achoohorsey16

    The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990)

    Directed by Brian De Palma Starring Tom Hanks, Melanie Griffith, and Bruce Willis Based on the book "Bonfire of the Vanities" by Tom Wolfe They basically took the book and changed 50% of it to appease test audiences, and then released what was left. The book's subtle commentary on race, money, and society are played up for dark laughs and the casting is atrocious. It's like "Oh no, did we run over that black boy, or was that a tire? UH OH! *sad trumpet*" And maybe it's just me but Willis narrating the movie drives me bonkers. Here's the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIz_RlNZZlg (I'm never able to imbed videos in this forum correctly, sorry) So yeah, holy shit this movie is terrible. Here's some second opinions from Amazon([sic] any typos): "I don't know why this has bad reviews...but at the same time I do. It just does not work in the P.C. 2016. I remember my parents raving about how funny this was since I was a kid. I never stopped laughing! It is extremely politically incorrect to all religions, races and genders equally so even though it is offensive its kinda like south park...its ok cause its mean to everyone. The cast is amazing with Tom Hanks, Bruce Willis, Melanie Griffith, Morgan Freeman, Kim Catrall just to name a few. It follows a story where an extremely stuck-up super wealthy WASP played by Tom Hanks and his mistress Melanie Griffith take a wrong turn and end up in a very bad area in the South Bronx and chaos ensues. A tragedy happens and someone dies and the Jewish Attorney General played by F. Murry Abraham (from Amadeus who played Salari) go to make an example of Tom Hanks. They have a parody of the reverend Jesse Jackson who is making a fuss. Kim Catrall plays Hanks wife. Morgan Freeman a judge. And I never stopped laughing! Everyone is a stereotype and you just know they would never make this movie in 2016. Wow times have changed!" "THIS was an early BRUCE movie,who along with TOM HANKS and MELANIE GRIFFITH(BEAUTIFUL) made this black comedy so enjoyable. BRUCE laidback larconic wise cracking reporter. TOM little rich guy! and MELANIE just being beautiful all came together to make a terrific movie if you get the chance ENJOY this movie i know i do every TIME - the CUZ" "This is a really funny movie. It probably wouldn't be made today, it's so politically un-correct. We love it! Had to order this copy because someone borrowed our old one and didn't return it."
  16. achoohorsey16

    The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990)

    Oh before I forget - There's a book written about the making of this film, that was published a year after the movie came out, that details its doomed production. It's called The Devil's Candy.
  17. achoohorsey16

    Double Dragon (1994)

    We watched this the other night in anticipation for the episode. Considering I just saw Street Fighter: The Movie for the first time, I'd say Double Dragon is 10x worse than SFtM.
  18. achoohorsey16

    Rock-A-Doodle (1991)

    This movie is depressing as hell and scared the shit out of me when I was a kid. Bluth is a monster.
  19. achoohorsey16

    St. Elmo's Fire (1985)

    I've already written about this film in the thread but again, bump
  20. achoohorsey16

    Movie 43 (2013)

    Didn't Paul say they can't do this film cause he knows too many people involved with its production?
  21. achoohorsey16

    Samurai Cop (1991)

    How has this movie not been done yet? Bump
  22. achoohorsey16

    Cutaway (2000)

    BUMP! If you haven't seen Everything Is Terrible!'s 2.5-Minute Movie version of the film, please do:
  23. achoohorsey16

    Blackhat (2015)

    Fun fact: I won a t-shirt and a backpack with the Blackhat logo at trivia that I assume were promotional items for the film. I sleep in that Blackhat shirt all the time. I don't give a shit about the movie because I heard it sucked.
  24. achoohorsey16

    Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)

    Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002, 91 minutes) Dir: "Kaos" (AKA Wych Kaosayananda) Starring: Antonio Banderas, Lucy Liu I think all I really need to say is that this film is technically the worst reviewed film on Rotten Tomatoes, like, ever. It has 0% out of 117 reviews. Per the website: "A startlingly inept film, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever offers overblown, wall-to-wall action without a hint of wit, coherence, style, or originality." Roger Ebert: "[The film] is an ungainly mess, submerged in mayhem, occasionally surfacing for cliches, overloaded with special effects and explosions, light on continuity, sanity and coherence. There is nothing wrong with the title... that renaming it 'Ballistic' would not have solved. Strange that they would choose such an ungainly title when, in fact, the movie is not about Ecks versus Sever but about Ecks and Sever working together against a common enemy - although Ecks, Sever and the audience take a long time to figure that out." Fun fact: This movie has a Game Boy Advanced game inspired by it and the game has really good reviews! IGN gave it a 9 out of 10. Who would have thought? It even got its own sequel. Second Opinions: - "I love this movie. I haven't seen it since I was 13. I don't care if others don't like the film but I like it cuz it got action and thriller. Antonio Banderas and Lucy Liu are amazing in this movie. I like the scene where they fight. And that one scene when she was shooting. All I know is that this movie is a classic and I really enjoy watching it again after so many years" - "This is an easy movie to lambast, but I won't take that route--it rates 3 stars for the simple reason that it accomplishes what it sets out to do: kick-butt action scenes and snappy one-liners. Banderas and Liu are simply cool. In the movie, they get to be cool with guns. It's not a film that makes you think, or even one that you have to really pay attention to, but it is exactly what it claims to be: an action film that goes ballistic. Bullets, explosions, hand-to-hand combat, thin plot, lackluster dialogue--the ingredients to 90% of all action movies. This is one for people who like Banderas and Liu. I do, so I enjoy the movie enough to buy it, and give it three stars." - "I watched this movie back when it first came out and used to have a framed poster of it hanging in my old apartment. I recently re-watched the movie on cable and enjoyed it again! I think I know why this movie got so many bad reviews and it has nothing to do with too simple of a story line. Really? That's the complaint? An action movie with a simplified story line...surely there have never been any of those before! No, I think many people didn't like this because of the casting. You have a male Latin lead with an Asian female lead, and "the white guys" are the bad guys. That's why people didn't like this movie. There were some great action scenes in this film, a great soundtrack, charismatic actors and a story line that didn't get in the way of the action. This was a great film, and they should cast more in a similar manner." - "No plot. Yes! Although it tries to sound smart, I wasn't paying attention. FBI agent Ecks (Antonio Banderas) teams up with an Intelligence agent named Sever (Lucy Liu) to take down a weapons expert and find his wife and son. That's about it. Tons of bullets fly everywhere, cars fly everywhere and people fly everywhere. This movie is great. "Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever" is genius. That's all I have to say." - "This one it alright as well."