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About achoohorsey16

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  • Birthday 09/14/1989

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  1. achoohorsey16

    Saving Christmas (2014)

    Bump bump bump. This movie is atrocious. I honestly was speechless after five minutes because of how much talking was in that five minutes. It left me exhausted. Yes, there are some boring, preachy chunks. But the other parts are unbelievably bad and need to be discussed.
  2. achoohorsey16

    Cats (2019)

    You got here before I did. This quote from the I09 review is glorious:
  3. Playmobil: The Movie Dir. Lino DiSalvo Wr. Lino DiSalvo, Blaise Hemingway Star. Anya Taylor-Joy, Gabriel Bateman Oh boy. Well we have a new movie record - This new animated film based on the French toy line has had a crappy opening. According to Variety, "Stx's animated adventure generated less than $1 million despite launching in 2,337 North American theaters and now stands as one of the worst opening weekends of all time." It's interesting to note that the film's ticket entry price was $5, lower than the average movie ticket price. I've never heard of a film doing this before, so if you know of any others, please let us know. I'm sure it was trying to compensate going up against Frozen II. But c'mon, it should have just pushed back release. Or, you know, gone straight to DVD or just never come out. Somehow this movie cost $75 million to make. So it's definitely a write-off for the producers. By the way, Stx was the distributor, and I believe they came up with the $5 ticket price gimmick. And they don't really sounds like they give a shit about having such a flop on their hands - They're not losing money here so who cares? Also, the movie actually played internationally in August. Oversees, it only made $12.5 million. All of these details and more are in that Variety article above.
  4. achoohorsey16

    Caligula (1979)

    I tried watching this movie when I was in college and had to turn it off after 30 minutes. Just too grotesque. And for a movie trying to be sexy, it was anything but.
  5. Dir. Joe Brooks Wr. Joe Brooks & Martin Davidson Starring: Joe Brooks and Shelley Hack The guy who wrote "You Light Up My Life" by Debby Boone wrote, directed, and starred in this movie. In fact, he also wrote and directed the MOVIE "You Light Up My Life," of which the song was written for. He stars as a fictional version of himself, essentially, who's past love keeps gaslighting him and that's supposed to be cute, I guess. She wants to date him, then doesn't, then does, then doesn't, then does. Meanwhile he's miserable even though he makes a lot of money. Speaking of this film, there’s a song in it called California, that was going to be the title of the film, and Debby Boone recorded a song with the same name for the film. It only charted at #50 on the Billboard charts and was dropped from the official soundtrack. Roberta Flack recorded a version of the title song, but that version was also not on the soundtrack. She's said that she hated the song and only did it for a lot of money. Anyway the movie is littered with goofy songs he wrote and sweeping, sappy orchestral filler. It’s almost more of a showcase of his songwriting than a film with a plot. One song is about writing commercial jingles and the contrast between it and the shitty acting is hilarious. It’s almost got dialogue reminiscent of The Room, but not QUITE that bad. You know how in The Room, there’s a lot of scenes of nothing sandwiched between musical score? Ok, same thing here. If you don't know who Joe Brooks is, I suggest a Google search because he's a fascinating guy, for not-so-great reasons. He wrote a lot of commercial jingles and later in life (2009), was charged with over 90 counts of rape or sexual assault as part of a casting-couch scam he worked up with his personal assistant. He committed suicide before the trial, I believe. He also wrote songs for musicians and a bonkers musical in the early 2000's. He seemed like a real piece of shit. His son is in prison for murdering his then-girlfriend (the son's, that is). FUN FACT: Shelley Hack is probably best known for starring in the commercial for the perfume "Charlie." So, hell of an actress. I would provide some second opinions, but the movie was released in VHS and nothing else since, so I don't think it would even be on Amazon. However, I did find the movie on YouTube here, if you're interested. Some people in the comments seems to give the film high praise. I don't get it. It's a very bland, bad movie. Also, Joe Brooks deserves to be shamed for the creepy fuck he was. Has anyone else actually seen this film? I had only heard about it recently and that's how I stumbled across the film on YouTube, and I watched the whole thing and also fell asleep.
  6. achoohorsey16

    The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990)

    Oh before I forget - There's a book written about the making of this film, that was published a year after the movie came out, that details its doomed production. It's called The Devil's Candy.
  7. achoohorsey16

    The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990)

    Directed by Brian De Palma Starring Tom Hanks, Melanie Griffith, and Bruce Willis Based on the book "Bonfire of the Vanities" by Tom Wolfe They basically took the book and changed 50% of it to appease test audiences, and then released what was left. The book's subtle commentary on race, money, and society are played up for dark laughs and the casting is atrocious. It's like "Oh no, did we run over that black boy, or was that a tire? UH OH! *sad trumpet*" And maybe it's just me but Willis narrating the movie drives me bonkers. Here's the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIz_RlNZZlg (I'm never able to imbed videos in this forum correctly, sorry) So yeah, holy shit this movie is terrible. Here's some second opinions from Amazon([sic] any typos): "I don't know why this has bad reviews...but at the same time I do. It just does not work in the P.C. 2016. I remember my parents raving about how funny this was since I was a kid. I never stopped laughing! It is extremely politically incorrect to all religions, races and genders equally so even though it is offensive its kinda like south park...its ok cause its mean to everyone. The cast is amazing with Tom Hanks, Bruce Willis, Melanie Griffith, Morgan Freeman, Kim Catrall just to name a few. It follows a story where an extremely stuck-up super wealthy WASP played by Tom Hanks and his mistress Melanie Griffith take a wrong turn and end up in a very bad area in the South Bronx and chaos ensues. A tragedy happens and someone dies and the Jewish Attorney General played by F. Murry Abraham (from Amadeus who played Salari) go to make an example of Tom Hanks. They have a parody of the reverend Jesse Jackson who is making a fuss. Kim Catrall plays Hanks wife. Morgan Freeman a judge. And I never stopped laughing! Everyone is a stereotype and you just know they would never make this movie in 2016. Wow times have changed!" "THIS was an early BRUCE movie,who along with TOM HANKS and MELANIE GRIFFITH(BEAUTIFUL) made this black comedy so enjoyable. BRUCE laidback larconic wise cracking reporter. TOM little rich guy! and MELANIE just being beautiful all came together to make a terrific movie if you get the chance ENJOY this movie i know i do every TIME - the CUZ" "This is a really funny movie. It probably wouldn't be made today, it's so politically un-correct. We love it! Had to order this copy because someone borrowed our old one and didn't return it."
  8. achoohorsey16

    Double Dragon (1994)

    We watched this the other night in anticipation for the episode. Considering I just saw Street Fighter: The Movie for the first time, I'd say Double Dragon is 10x worse than SFtM.
  9. achoohorsey16

    Rock-A-Doodle (1991)

    This movie is depressing as hell and scared the shit out of me when I was a kid. Bluth is a monster.
  10. achoohorsey16

    St. Elmo's Fire (1985)

    I've already written about this film in the thread but again, bump
  11. achoohorsey16

    Movie 43 (2013)

    Didn't Paul say they can't do this film cause he knows too many people involved with its production?
  12. achoohorsey16

    Samurai Cop (1991)

    How has this movie not been done yet? Bump
  13. achoohorsey16

    Cutaway (2000)

    BUMP! If you haven't seen Everything Is Terrible!'s 2.5-Minute Movie version of the film, please do:
  14. achoohorsey16

    Blackhat (2015)

    Fun fact: I won a t-shirt and a backpack with the Blackhat logo at trivia that I assume were promotional items for the film. I sleep in that Blackhat shirt all the time. I don't give a shit about the movie because I heard it sucked.