ShatteusPantswellTheTurd's Content - Page 2

- Tauntingly Sing-Songed by notorious Cereal Killer, “Muffalo Shrill”, as depicted by some actor in the hit thriller, “Silence of the Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Ma’am’s”, starring “Samanth-uh-knee Jump-Kins” as deranged yet perceptive eater and haver of brains, Danimal “The Cannonball” Selector, Rated R for “Arrreee We Done With the Shitty, Ill-Conceived, obscure-but-in-the-off-putting-sort-of-way, ‘puns’ yet??”

April 27, 2019

“Holy fucking shit, Batman!”

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

-Raw Bin

April 27, 2019

Bend over, touch your toes, I’ll finish this literally suggestive catchphrase with a rhyme for toes, I suppose.

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

A

April 27, 2019

What’s down cold cat?

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Welp

April 27, 2019

One for the money, two for the slow, agonizing, unavoidable descent into the harsh realization that, like all things, this catchphrase must end. The way it all ends, or the Hey of Nong Men? Only time will tell, that fickle bitch.

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Wtf

March 30, 2019

A new topic? Newt Optics. Everything looks like a reason to shit your pants when the only thing noteworthy about you is the fact that your eyes couldn’t be bothered to let you see through them, and that they’re the 1st ingredient in 100% of witch’s curses

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Comedy Cauldron Boil! Bubble!

March 26, 2019

Would you rather have roses on your piano, or two organ transplants from a discount doctor who can’t even pronounce, much less test for, Hapatitis. He wants to make sure you come back for a new liver in 20 years once the cirrhosis works its magic.

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Comedy Bile! Bag!

March 26, 2019

If it hurts when you are in pain please try not to think about it, doctors prefer to find it after it’s spread to the lymphatic system. Less work for them, plus you get to help your doctors buy a new Porsche while you go bankrupt and then die, penniless.

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Comedy Bleak! Bleak!

March 26, 2019

Bend over, touch your toes, then show us what it holds. A couple Toms? One Dick? Some Janes? You Bum. Your bottom’s been disgraced.

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Seriously, it’s a good thing you can’t see it without a funhouse mirror at a rural bankrupt city’s county fair, because that’s honestly what it most closely resembles; both in appearance as well as the feeling of incomprehensible terror one feels when gazing into it’s abyss, with a drug-addict Carny beckoning you ever deeper. Your Butthole is a Mr Bungle song come to life.

March 25, 2019

Sit and spin. This again?? Who knows whose nose I’ll stick it in. Choose wise, you’se guys, this prick needs friends.

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Wtf

March 25, 2019

It was the Fred-st of times, it was the Durst of times. I stuck this cookie up my ass, now what? A tale of Two Shitties.

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Y

March 19, 2019

Adele atop your lap, on a Dell laptop. Rollin’ in her deeply on a Lower-end PC, keep Googling your Bing, replacing spank-banks worldwide since 1998.

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Shit

March 10, 2019

Once a pawn o’ time, now a Queen’s Bishop of space.

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

By King Shat of Turd Island; Dictated but not read. And also not dictated. Or even fully formed, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to proofread it. Sin-serially, King of Shitty Turds (seriously don’t read this entire part below the title. They make me do this, and it ruins the whole aesthetic of a uniform, organized, profanity-filled string of nonsense words thought up by a bunch of obsessed lunatics in the hopes of hearing our secret man crush reading on a podcast.) just kidding But seriously, just read the fucking title please.

March 10, 2019

How many carry-ons could Jim Carrey carry-on if Jim Carrey could carry carry-ons?

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

By: King Shat of Turd Island, dictated not red (this is not part of the thing, this is a whole other thing, made necessary by what I would call a firable oversight in the design of this website. Whoever’s responsible should pay with their job.)

March 9, 2019
- 1

You can’t teach this old dog new tricks, but you can teach your new child not to trick this old dog, cuz if he doesn’t Throw the goddamned ball this time I am going to bite his face.

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Toot

February 27, 2019

Scotty, the Hottie With the Cock-Snotty Body: “he fills the cum-gutters as his filled-up bum shudders.” No hetero.

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Toot

February 25, 2019

Snips, snails, puppy dog tails. Sugar, spice, and everything nice. Either the contents of a budding psychopath’s backpack, or a recipe for diabetes and sinful gluttonous excess. This is how your parents see you.

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Toot.

February 20, 2019

There once was a man from Nantucket, who’s penis and it’s physical properties are none of your business, now please cease and desist this libelous hate speech. (I’m being paid to read this, but seriously have you seen the size of this thing?)

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Toot

February 20, 2019

I like my coffee like I like my women: like my coffee.

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Pants well shat

February 19, 2019

You can’t De-Nye “Bill, The Science Guy”. That’s not how we do things here. There are rules. Good day, sir.

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ShatsPantswell, pants well shat.

February 18, 2019

I told myself I wouldn’t do it again... I promised. But now, with Dick in hand, I find myself oddly at peace holding hands with and calling Richard by his nickname.

ShatteusPantswellTheTurd posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Toot

January 12, 2019

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insert “obscure/vulgar/winking/often rhyming/reference-heavy catchphrase that will only be read by someone who just finished doing exactly this, and then buried under pages of the same, until Scott justifies the whole exercise and reads yours” here

When asked by my friend, who we’ll call D, how I came to be both held in contempt of court and land a spot in the nation’s top Native Australian folk band on the same day, I replied: “I did Jury duty with a Didjeridoo, D”

Touched in the head, munched in the bed, Lunch with a bunch of munchkins I met. Desert courtesy of the Lollipop Guild.

once upon a time, twice to make it rhyme, three times you will deny me, thy Lord.

It puts the goop on its floopinoops, or else it gets its pooper scooped again!

“Holy fucking shit, Batman!”

Bend over, touch your toes, I’ll finish this literally suggestive catchphrase with a rhyme for toes, I suppose.

What’s down cold cat?

One for the money, two for the slow, agonizing, unavoidable descent into the harsh realization that, like all things, this catchphrase must end. The way it all ends, or the Hey of Nong Men? Only time will tell, that fickle bitch.

A new topic? Newt Optics. Everything looks like a reason to shit your pants when the only thing noteworthy about you is the fact that your eyes couldn’t be bothered to let you see through them, and that they’re the 1st ingredient in 100% of witch’s curses

Would you rather have roses on your piano, or two organ transplants from a discount doctor who can’t even pronounce, much less test for, Hapatitis. He wants to make sure you come back for a new liver in 20 years once the cirrhosis works its magic.

If it hurts when you are in pain please try not to think about it, doctors prefer to find it after it’s spread to the lymphatic system. Less work for them, plus you get to help your doctors buy a new Porsche while you go bankrupt and then die, penniless.

Bend over, touch your toes, then show us what it holds. A couple Toms? One Dick? Some Janes? You Bum. Your bottom’s been disgraced.

Sit and spin. This again?? Who knows whose nose I’ll stick it in. Choose wise, you’se guys, this prick needs friends.

It was the Fred-st of times, it was the Durst of times. I stuck this cookie up my ass, now what? A tale of Two Shitties.

Adele atop your lap, on a Dell laptop. Rollin’ in her deeply on a Lower-end PC, keep Googling your Bing, replacing spank-banks worldwide since 1998.

Once a pawn o’ time, now a Queen’s Bishop of space.

How many carry-ons could Jim Carrey carry-on if Jim Carrey could carry carry-ons?

You can’t teach this old dog new tricks, but you can teach your new child not to trick this old dog, cuz if he doesn’t Throw the goddamned ball this time I am going to bite his face.

Scotty, the Hottie With the Cock-Snotty Body: “he fills the cum-gutters as his filled-up bum shudders.” No hetero.

Snips, snails, puppy dog tails. Sugar, spice, and everything nice. Either the contents of a budding psychopath’s backpack, or a recipe for diabetes and sinful gluttonous excess. This is how your parents see you.

There once was a man from Nantucket, who’s penis and it’s physical properties are none of your business, now please cease and desist this libelous hate speech. (I’m being paid to read this, but seriously have you seen the size of this thing?)

I like my coffee like I like my women: like my coffee.

You can’t De-Nye “Bill, The Science Guy”. That’s not how we do things here. There are rules. Good day, sir.

I told myself I wouldn’t do it again... I promised. But now, with Dick in hand, I find myself oddly at peace holding hands with and calling Richard by his nickname.

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