Señor Gravy Stains

I heard it straight from the horse’s mouth. That’s right officer, that horse over there told me to commit all those murders.

Set forth on your quest and godspeed to you noble warrior. Also while you're out, do me a favor and return these Redbox DVD's.

You ever Whole Shack Shimmy with the devil in the pale moonlight?

I heard Beanie Feldstein and Beanie Sigel are starting a family together. Can't wait to see those beanie babies!

If you wanna succeed in buisness there's two things you gotta know: Money talks and holy cow this money is sentient and capable of speech!

“Don’t You Forget About Me” has a different meaning if your parents left you at a Bennigan’s in the 80s and never came back.

Until Hollywood does the right thing and makes a XXX-rated Swamp Thing movie, I’m calling it quits in this town.

I got your catchphrase right here, pal! For those of you that can’t see me, I said that while grabbing my genitals.

LeAnne Rimes and Busta Rhymes are surprisingly not related. May all of your birthdays be devine and never be belated.

I hate to micromanage, but you’re running this miniatures shop into the ground.

I’ve been told I’m as handsome as Robert Pattinson. Or maybe it was Pat Robertson.

It’s not that I don’t like your magic act, I just don’t think your child’s custody hearing was the right place for it.

It’s not that I don’t like your breakdancing, I just don’t think your Grandma’s funeral was the right place for it.

It’s not that I don’t like your slam poetry, I just don’t think your father’s intervention was the right place for it.

If a Chandler searches online, and no one is around to see it, does he use Bing?

We’re getting married at the place we first fell in love. The Burger King bathroom across from Port Authority.

I’ll have you know sir that this rental car already smelled that way when I got it.

Gremlins to Ghoulies and Ghoulies to Critters. Please like, subscribe, and follow me on Twitter.

I must unleash all these farts before this Zoom meeting starts.

I’ve got a tickle in my throat, all the way down to my pickle and my scrote.

I’ve got a couple of kids in central Pennsylvania. I like to call them my Hershey squirts.

One if by land and two if by sea. Prescribe what you can doc, it burns when I pee.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but not while I’m wearing this suit of armor I stole from Medieval Times.

Opinions are like assholes, I spend most of my day looking at them on the internet.

Forget 72 virgins. Give me a cheeseburger in paradise, baby!