BloatedFartingScumBag

COVID-Y Bump! Bump!

Hollywood screenwriters seem to think the phrase, "Nothing to write home about" applies solely to describing sexual encounters to your parents. "Dear Mommy, the koochie was tight, but her oral needs some work. See you and dad at Thanksgiving!"

Wax or Wain? Why choose? I'm losing these pubes AND watching Newsreaders!

She shells seashells by the seashore with her WWII-era trench gun

I once met a man from Nantucket. His coffee breath left much to be desired.

My E.D. and Low-T puts all my dates in therapy.

Volcano backwards is mvemsjunp

To err is Adam. To forgive is DeMamp.

"It could be tomorrow, or ten thousand years," said the fading White Dwarf to a group of his peers.

I'm late to be laid, so order me an Uber, preferably pre-paid, and a copy of MacGruber, and hope I don’t get waylaid on my path toward the puber.

Devon Sawa? Eye-chi-wawa! Devon Aoki? Okie-dokie!

COVIDY-Trump-Bump!

I'm late to be laid, so order me an Uber, preferably pre-paid, and a copy of MacGruber

You got the Crazy Guts™?

"What's that, mom and dad? You think if I act up then I deserve a spanking? Okay, how about this idea, geniuses: if you're gonna spank me every time I do one wittle naughty thing, then I am gonna spank the two of you every time I do a good deed! Ya like that, ya dumb-dumbs? Looks like the hand is on the other cheek now, eh, dad? New no-no: When I'm good I spank my parents now!"

My. Mother. Said. To. Pick. The. Very. Best. One. And. You. Are. Not. It!

Instant rice or instant ramen: sacrifice to Tutankhamun.

If whiffs of butts were sexy sluts, my life would be lousy with promiscuous girls

My favorite part of any movie is when they reference MS-DOS

Silly little birds, all in your nests...wondering what's going to happen next... Good luck...

youcanrunyoucanhidebutyoucantescape.gov

Call me "Late to Dinner", but don't call me anything else! I'm hungry, just not quite yet!

Cradle to the grave? Don't mind if I do! This crib is cursed and I've got a mausoleum guy!

"Steady Eddie, Ripe-and-Ready". That's what the infant inmates used to call me in baby jail.

COVID-Y PAN PAN