Euripides’ Shorts

Don’t cry over spilled milk…unless edging is your thing.

And don’t get me started on “poussez”!

Waiter, this nine-day-old soup is lukewarm!

Waiter, I ordered the nine-day-old soup and this tastes like ten-and-a-half.

Go find a donkey pugilist and pound that ass.

Circle, circle, dot, dot, now I’ve got my… Wait, WHAT did you just give me?

Pay a baby by the word and all she’ll say is “goo goo gah gah.”

I don’t kiss my mother with this mouth, but I do kiss yours.

“Butts are for pooping, Boobs are for drooping, And sex is for having more kids.” “If that were the case,” Said the rake to the chaste, “It’d be hard to find such great porn vids.”

All ye who enter, know: It’s really not that kind of show.

“And” is the correct choice.

For in that sleep of death what dreams make come are also known as wet dreams.

Is it normal to always cry after sex? Asking for a friend.

Three poops in a fountain, each one seeking nastiness…

I’d like to make a day of YOU, baby!

Erection by night: lover’s delight. Erection by morning: please call a doctor if it’s been longer than four hours.

One man’s Slim Pickens is another man’s Goldie Hawn.

One man’s slim pickings are another man’s gold mine.

He who eats Rocky Mountain oysters before lunch has a testicle breakfast.

Birds of a feather flock together. I guess that’s why this Ornithological Society meeting’s such a shit show.

I gave a standing ovation when your splendid oration spurred my ejaculation.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard; buttermilk shake is lower in carbs.

I’ll have the hotdog, hold the bun. Hold MY bun. Just the one.

I’ll have the applesauce, hold the apples.

Welcome back to Dog Mess Fest, where dog mess is best. And you don’t mess with the best.