Euripides’ Shorts

If you’re duplicitous and you know it, he’s a really great guy, but seriously, fuck that asshole.

If you’re stinky and you know it, shout, “Pee-yew!”

If you’re stinky and you know it, take a bath!

Slide into my DMs, preferably during your BMs.

A baby dressed like a ghost is a booby.

And don’t get me started on the general disregard for Whereforebastank…

The dearth of your girth did not prepare me for that breech birth.

All babies are fur babies.

Excuse me, waiter? I ordered the sausage and this is somebody’s hot log.

Pants were meant to be dropped. If they weren’t, my Glue Pants idea wouldn’t have bombed so hard.

Brother, don’t bother with this, that, or the other. I’d rather weather Ethyl’s ether than bum a butt from paltry Peter.

I'm late to be laid, so order me an Uber, preferably pre-paid, and a copy of MacGruber, and hope I don’t get waylaid on my path toward the puber, for the skies are looking grayed, and I can’t appear a boob, or…

Scott’s hot bratwurst is a real thot-thirst.

One beat To hedge And the furtive birdies scatter. On street By ledge, Hear the myriad raindrops splatter. One meat, Two veg’, And a sack to hold the latter.

What’s the thing we always do that’s fun for you and me? I-N-T… E-R-C… O-U-R-S-E!