Euripides’ Shorts

If THAT’S what “occult stool sample” means, I’d better make a few phone calls.

You sunk my splattership!

Absence makes the butt look rounder.

Chapters include The Bird, The Asshole, and The Peeing Baby Diaper.

Sleepwalking wet dreams are up and coming.

Could someone PLEASE tell me the difference between a blondie and a brookie?

C D ED BD nuts? M R not nuts. O S A R. D’s nuts!

Double-meaning perfection.

This teacup poodle I adopted’s a real son of a bitch.

Fibrous foods get me in the mood, but Bean-o keeps my weeno meano.

The obsequious partner of a cat-ear-wearing dominatrix is twice pussy whipped.

Today’s forecast: stormy with a chance of shit.

A B C D E F G H I J K suck a pair of deez.

Tyler Durden? I hardly know whether that’s me or someone else.

I heard you were also considering buying a pogo stick and changing your last name to Pagán?

When I’m visiting Arizona and get upset I have a Tempe tantrum.

All this time the theme song to Barney has been YANKEE DOODLE?!?!!

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, deez nuts resting on your chin.

A person who gets it doggy style doesn’t take it lying down.

I’d say you’ve contracted mud, but mud is not a contractable disease. However, mud butt is, and you’ve got it.

Let’s duck-rabbit this fuck habit.

Your momma’s bottom’s so powerful, Ebenezer Scrooge has nothing on her.

You’re telling me the Flintstones society could make a camera flash out of a bird but the best they could do for cars was to kick their feet like a bunch of suckers?

He doesn’t sing Jeremy Piven, but he does sing Jeremy Renner.

As tart farts dart through parted cheeks, hard sharts bombard my Dungarees.