Euripides’ Shorts

Bang my ear once, shame on you. Bang my ear twice…is it Monday already?

Bang once for erotica; bang twice for comedy.

I could eat them everyday, and my mom says I’d gain weight.

Has anyone ever realized how unfair it is to the other pickled foods to call pickled cucumbers “pickles”?

Romance is a game for fools, so baby let’s clown around.

Let’s get meta!

What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening? My two-legged rescue dog wearing his back wheels, taking a nap, and a riding a surfboard, respectively.

Not only do I put asses in the seats but I move asses through the streets. You can ride me for five dollars but you can’t ring my bell. Who am I?

This week’s episode of Comedy Bang Bang! is brought to you by SquareFace. Make your dream a reality with SquareFace. You know that dream you had where everyone’s face was square? That’s what I’m talking about.

Head not screwed on right? Don’t take the risk! Head loss is the leading cause of death among forgetful seniors. Call 1-800-HED-SCRU today.

Let’s make like an underperforming wallpaper steamer and let it rip.

Let’s make like two sticks rubbing together and fire it up.

Let’s make like beer in a winter storm power outage and chill out.

I’m sorry, Mr. Doodle, but we’re going to have to let you go. The health department is really cracking down on hats being served as food.

Listen up motherfuckers! Okay now I’m being told I can’t open with that so instead just let me say

This old man, he played eight, we all watched him

This old man, he played six, he played knick knack on our

Like a volcano, I vent when I’m hot. Like a tornado, her eye’s the best spot.

Eat, eat, eat. Wipe until clean. Rinse and repeat.

Sounds like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the penis mousetrap!

There are some things bodies CAN make into poop. For everything else, there’s corn.

Häagen-Dazs ice cream? I hardly had any!

Go ahead, make my daybed.

Lo and behold, low & B hold is how you start this combo.

Yea, lone cheddar sausage Rolling in convenience store dog spinner, Ye and I Are more alike than we are different.