Euripides’ Shorts

Once you see how the hotdogs get made, you won’t be hungry for at least an hour.

If at first you don’t suck seed, try the barbecue flavor.

Make like a human being and poop.

When birds go, they do a one-and-a-half.

The chromium in the Czech Republic falls curiously in the “cold drinks” bucket.

Oh I see, the fudge is made around the corner. Thanks!

Your sign says “Fudge Shoppe,” but all I see are drinks.

Take ‘em off…turn and cough… Yeah, I’d go see a doctor.

I’m sorry, Mr. Rooster Juggler, but when you said you had a cock and two balls, I thought you meant something else.

When birds do it, it’s always butt stuff.

He who makes and runs away will have less pain than he who stays. This has been a public service announcement for the Prevention of Hemorrhoids.

To dawdle on the bowl, my boy, evokes the wrath of hemorrhoids.

Remember the three steps to hemorrhoid prevention: sit, shit, and git.

Spoiler alert: M. Night Shyamalan was a bad director the whole time.

Stay at home, Piss and moan From my phone.

All joking a salad, I do sing Jeremy Piven.

“Move it or lose it,” said the… A. tow truck driver B. attacking pawn C. over-eager Civil War field medic D. all of the above

This little piggy ate The Impossible Whopper; this little piggy said, “Eight dollars for a fucking plant burger?! No thanks.”

This little piggy went to Aldi; this little piggy restricted non-essential travel.

Two dogs converged on a tennis ball, / And mine had had much less exercise, / And that has made all the difference.

Two for flinching, one for pinching, Mr. Crab.

Let me run to the store, get a rodent butt, and keep it for myself because I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS.

When I was your age, I had to walk to see-saw school uphill both ways.

I misunderstood you when you said you wanted a pizza ass.

To each her own, but if peach, freestone.