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Euripides’ Shorts

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Everything posted by Euripides’ Shorts

  1. Number two on the call sheet? I take a number two in the hall, Pete.
  2. I realize “poop” is spelled the same forward and backward, but that doesn’t mean those monkeys take kindly to return volleys.
  3. The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ deez gang aft on your chin.
  4. Deep into dog mess I step—and muse While brown poos fuse To my blue suede shoes.
  5. Theirs not to reason why, theirs to go to Best Buy.
  6. If I had a nickel for every time I needed a pay toilet, your Honor, I wouldn’t have these five arrests for public urination.
  7. Monkey see, monkey do. Monkey crank it with your lube.
  8. The days of freeball past were simpler times.
  9. “Do a little dance. Make a little fudge. Get down tonight.” So goes the anthem of the Keebler elves.
  10. Na-na na-boo-boo; stick your head in doo-doo. Congratulations, you’re hired.
  11. Grind it up! We’re goin’ to Beantown, baby!
  12. I’ll have the hot slaughtered meat on powdered wheat mixed with fungus. On second thought, just give me the hamburger.
  13. I call being pregnant “you’re welcome,” but that’s ‘cause I’m half Italian.
  14. Two chimps flung poop at a yellow sign, And I cleaned the side less caked thereby, And that’s why I’m not Head Zookeeper.
  15. Peter Pantser pantsed a pack of pesky pranksters. How many criminal charges will Peter Pantser face?
  16. Pants, pants: they cover your butt. Your dad didn’t wear them, and I saw his nut.
  17. The worst part of this pandemic is not being able to rip nasty in a crowded elevator.
  18. The sharper the cheese, the better the cut.
  19. Euripides’ Shorts

    Macadamia nuts?! I hardly know ya!

    Macadamia nuts?! I hardly know ya!
  20. Deez nuts are made for restin’. That’s just what they’ll do. One of these days deez nuts are gonna rest upon your chin.
  21. Everybody poops, so give me two scoops.
  22. The ants in France dance mainly in my pants.
  23. There’s nothin’ in the rule book that says a dog can’t have two Halloween costumes.
  24. The guy laughing at the beginning of “Wipeout” was just predicting the toilet paper crisis.
  25. No, I did Not shake At the time I would Not dance Now I have piss pants
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