Euripides’ Shorts

All of life’s a beach, and all the men and women near the playa.

Love squirts.

Write a gag, wait a week. Scotty chose it! Babe, let’s freak.

Kudos to you good sir or madam.

What I wouldn’t give to hear Scott read your name on the pod air!

Bonnie, the cat shit in the bed again. Full stop.

Bonnie I ate aspergillus. Full stop. Do you need anything from the store. Full stop.

I took a wet wrestling test at the pretzel festival; did my best, but was bested by a pest receptacle.

When you’re nose-to-Bose your tympanic membrane’s burst.

Floss. Toss. Then gargle with the sauce.

It takes two to tango, but three drinks to suppress a memory of walking in on my parents’ naked dance night.

Pee-Pants Patterson? Mark me down for bladder surgery.

Roses are red, / Violets are blue, / Sugar is sweet, / And you have diabetes.

When you’re nose-to-hose your clothes are in it.

Sloppy seconds?! Sign me up!

Between the sheets, I’m between your cheeks.

Fort Lauderdale? I hardly know ‘er!

(Scoπ)

I can understand COLD, but NINE FUCKING DAYS?! Really?!

Intercourse two times divorced / Is often limp and droopy, / And from behind when hitched three times / Is sometimes slow and soupy. / But, four prior marriages be damned, / I’m still too quickly goopy!

Solid gold.

My name is Scott. / I like to clown. / Those pants are up, / So pull ‘em down! / Shabooyah, roll call!

Do not skeet gentle onto that round butt. Rage, rage against the busting of the nut.

Two dogs converged on a tennis ball, / And sorry they could not fetch it both, / And be two dogs, they shared it. So I filmed that shit and put it on Reddit and it made the front page.

The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men gang aft like my first three marriages.