Euripides’ Shorts

Ye’ll take the high road and I’ll take the low road / And I’ll call you a stupid doo-doo head.

“Boner”: the original misnomer.

Doo-doo? Will do. Pee-pee? We’ll see.

Cross my heart and hope to die; that chimp threw poop in my eye!

I drink your milkshake; you watch my butt shake.

The Chubby Bunny murders of ‘76. Who could forget?

Pluck ‘em out my butt and plop ‘em in my mouth—that’s the way we do it down south.

The comedy flows as a cauldron of hot diarrhea doth boileth over on a stove.

Cheetos, Fritos, and a burrito put me in the mood to skeet-o.

They say you shouldn’t mix business with pleasure, but can I help that I love cutting people’s heads open and poking around in their brains?

…I’m taking a quick nap before I start examining the evidence.

Let nagadadas be forgot and never brought to mind.

If you can’t see my mirrors, it might be because this isn’t a mirror store.

Ask not for whom the bell tolls. Answer your fucking phone.

‘Twas my weak stream what made the mess, not I.

A fickle pickle needs a good tickling ere prickling Rob Riggle.

Apple Jacks not tasting like apple was MY idea.

Hey turnip, turn up that beet beat!

Whenever my stallion breaks his leg, we take him to the HORSE-pital. Then we shoot him.

Fee, fie, fo, fum! This bread’s gluten free!

Down here we have a saying: you can’t cross the monkey bars with a ten-pound alligator hanging off your ding-dong.

Caution: Peppers may make ASSHOLE burn.

To Hell and Back on a Silver Spoon and Other Alternatives of Witch Travel

When my hand bursts through the baby wipe, I feel twice betrayed.

When I eat Raisin Bran, it’s two scoops o’ poop!