Euripides’ Shorts

Plumbob wobblers gobblin’ my cobblers—this is a shoe store, not a damn buffet!

Plumbob wobblers tryin’ to gobble at my cobblers

Today’s the first day of the rest of your wife. Congrats on your spouse’s retirement!

Five bucks gets you in, ten bucks gets you fined. We have a strict two-deer limit.

Coalfax for President

Roaches check in; they don’t check out. They just drop their keys off at the front desk.

Roaches check in; they don’t check out. That part’s automated these days.

Flowers are like salad tongs: the more you buy, the less money you have.

If I wanted that joint bogarted I’d have called Mr. Humphrey's knees!

‘Tis better to have pushed and pooped than never blown an o-ring at all.

Elementary, my dear hotdog.

My pepperoni is lonely. Add your havarti and we’ll party.

Death waits for no man. That’s why women live longer.

Shit through a goose is good for a gander

My dog’s so hot he just pisses steam

Semen is as seaman does

The caustic Gnostic / Watched a Bob Ross flick, / Prayed, and ate a popsicle pie, / But he couldn’t cool down / With his feet on the ground, / So he took a pill and got himself high; / Then he tinkled ‘til his bladder ran dry. / (Oh my!)

Hot Fart City gonna set my hole, gonna set my hole on fire

If you can’t take the heat, quit putting hot sauce on your genitals!

Two girls, one cup: that’s what I watch when I eat

‘’Tis better to have rubbed and been caught than never rub a chub at all.

Let he who is without skin drop the first trow.

Cauliflower?! I hardly know her!

Sweet like candy to my soul, / Candy rock and Tootsie Roll.

Theirs not to reason why, / Theirs but to eat fried pie.