Euripides’ Shorts

Whip it out, plug it up, turn it on. It’s Bang Bang time.

Are those gaseous clouds around Uranus or are you just happy to see me?

They call me Babe Ruth ‘cause I’m always jackin’ balls.

They call me Byron Buxton ‘cause I’m always squeezin’ flies.

They call me Hank Aaron ‘cause I’m always slappin’ ding-dongs.

Juggle the bubble, Puddles; buy a Puggle on the double!

Explicable thistle tryst of westerly viscosity, how sorely I ensnare the yearling listlessly!

I’d spangle your dangler for a hanger of meringue.

Pure, crispy precipice of perspicacity, perhaps fission of the eventual gargoyle will alas at least elicit elocution too far removed to be germane predilection.

Bend me over like a four-leaf clover and slip me the top o’ your mornin’.

Oh, sweet cloaca of fortune, hast thou a golden egg for me or goose shit?

Guttural putterings make my butt flutter.

Penny Argle pulled the dappled piñata hurriedly around, though she passed on the piña colada.

They call me Barry Bonds ‘cause I’m always balls deep.

Take me balls-out to the game…

This just in: the whole shaft!

“A horse’s ass, a horse’s ass! My kingdom for a horse’s ass!”

Yo-yos don’t go “YOLO,” only stroll along the yo rope, ya know?

Burn up that turnip. I’ll say a Kaddish for this radish.

How’d he do Dee? Don’t ask me; she’s *your* sister!

Serious comedy is no laughing matter.

Set ‘em up and knock ‘em down! Scotty Aukie’s here to clown.

What is the meaning of life? To stink. Think about it!

Hot dogs of the world, unite! https://images.app.goo.gl/z3K2Q45JRi9rodBt9

One part comedy, two parts bang: that’s the way we like to hang.