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Foolish Mortal

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Everything posted by Foolish Mortal

  1. Foolish Mortal
    For neither the first nor last time, I have gorged myself upon the flesh of my fellow man.
  2. Foolish Mortal
    Sun's out, guns out, it's a dog day afternoon. Attica! Attica!
  3. Foolish Mortal
    Brother bet a butter Buddha for the booty of a bitter boater .
  4. Foolish Mortal
    Opinions are like assholes: everyone has one, and yours is fucked.
  5. Foolish Mortal
    Well pull down my Peter pants and tinker my bell!
  6. Foolish Mortal
    Like God, I forgive. But my standards are a hell of a lot lower.
  7. Foolish Mortal
    The pubic mullet: business up front, party in the crack.
  8. Foolish Mortal
    Would that my wounded wood could woo. Boo hoo.
  9. Foolish Mortal
    A, E, I, O, U and... sometimes Y? Why!? WHYYYYYYYY!?
  10. Foolish Mortal
    When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you gators, it's time to seriously consider moving out of Florida.
  11. Foolish Mortal
    Quantum look before you quantum leap.
  12. Foolish Mortal
    If there's one thing I learned from game theory, it's that the "prisoner's dilemma" has surprisingly little to do with soap.
  13. Foolish Mortal
    Are we human, or are we dancer? Or prancer? Or vixen? Or comet? Or cupid? Or donner? Or blitzen? We are reindeer.
  14. Foolish Mortal
    "I don't like the sound of that," I said, as the glass rod entered my urethra.
  15. Foolish Mortal
    LIKE A FEMALE PIG DO YOU GET IT
  16. Foolish Mortal
    Spare the rod and spoil the child, but dodge those pesky statutory charges.
  17. Foolish Mortal
    Like Schwaz through the hourglass, so is the house of our pies.
  18. Foolish Mortal
    "Right" said Fred. "Zoinks" said Shaggy.
  19. Foolish Mortal
    A friend is just a stranger you haven't alienated yet.
  20. Foolish Mortal
    What is a butt, if not a farts volcano?
  21. Foolish Mortal
    Those who can, can-can. Those who do, doo doo.
  22. Foolish Mortal
    My scuba instructor and I had very different ideas as to what "wet suit" meant.
  23. Foolish Mortal
    My lie of omission led to lying in my own emission.
  24. Foolish Mortal
    My proctometrist made me a monocle for my brown eye.
  25. Foolish Mortal
    Hey, Frasier, maybe you should donate those tossed salads and scrambled eggs to the homeless shelter, you wasteful, elitist fuck!
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