MySecretHemorrhoid

You’re my come my lady Come my Lady

It was super effective at helping me pass my science test. Thanks, paw-paw Killa Tony!

Smokey says "light'em up"

Watch me turn these peanuts into poo nuts.

~cue laugh track~

But loves Donald Trump, of course

Go ahead. Smell my finger.

My sock puppet is a juliard- trained ballet dancer with an eating disorder who was kicked out of his company for barfing on the audience during a production of swan lake and now works with me, JoBo the Magic Grifter, stealing cheap plastic cell phone accessories from tourists at disney land.

The long-awaited sequel to the beloved apple proverb.

Gender, like bacon grease, is fluid.

Do not take me for some conjurer of cheap tricks, mom!

I ordered a blueberry waffle, bitch!

“Now get in the pit, and try to LIFT THIS CHAIR!”

Squish Squish

And if you sag, you get hitches.

I’ll put some cock in your doodle doo.

What did it expect from wearing all that tight leather?

Don't be silly, wrap your gonzo.

Ace

I'm garbagesexual.

wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle

Try Joplin’s brand sanitary napkins made from 100% asbestos. Only the best for your ragtime gaaaaaal!

They poke right through my turtleneck sweater.

You can feel it everywhere.

Woop woop Congrats!