Work Hard; Play Hard: Ask your doctor about Viagra Extended Release today!

[Work Hard; Play Hard: Ask your doctor about Viagra Extended Release today!]

Work Hard; Play Hard: Try New Viagra Extended Release

[When it rains, it rains, penis from heaven]

When it rains, it rains, penis from heaven

[If you're looking for comedy, you're in the right place! Thanks for calling the Comedy Directory. Dial 0 to continue in Spanish!]

If you're looking for comedy, you're in the right place! You're at the Comedy Directory. Dial 1 for Alt Comedy...

[I bought a pedometer but it just keeps flashing the word "probably"]

Game respect game. I hope this makes it on the show.

[Garçon! I'll have the funnel cake and a pint of whole milk, to start]

Garçon! I'll have the funnel cake and a pint of whole milk, to start

[My Oysters're Sweatin', Et cetera, Yeehaw]

My Oysters're Sweatin', Et cetera, Yeehaw

Or MOSEY, for short

[I hope you like bad bagels because I'm a bad everything bagel]

I hope you like bad bagels because I'm a bad everything bagel

[Mt. Doom is short for Mount Me And Doo Me In The Butt]

Mt. Doom is short for Mount Me And Doo Me In The Butt

[Which came first: the chicken or me, choking that chicken?]

Which came first: the chicken, or me, choking that chicken

[Let us bow our heads and comede. Bang bang]

Let us bow our heads and comede

[I get so much respect, I tell ya. I get so much respect that when the Queen knighted me she asked me to put my sword on HER shoulder]

I get so much respect, I tell ya. I get so much respect that when the Queen knighted me she asked me to put my sword on HER shoulder

 

-a shitty standup bit I did on stage once but I will relinquish all copyrights to-

[Business in the front, party in the front, these banks are running weird promos these days]

Business in the front, party in the front, these banks are running weird promos these days

[Every sock I wear is a sock puppet that gets off on being treated like this]

Every sock I wear is a sock puppet that gets off on being treated like this

[You, Me, A Couple Sloe Buck's Fizzes, Little Land of Make Believe?]

You, Me, A Couple Sloe Buck's Fizzes, Little Land of Make Believe?

[Maya Angelou had a quote: "I've learned that people will forget what you said," and I can't remember the rest but I remember it made me feel horny]

Maya Angelou had a quote: "I've learned that people will forget what you said," and I can't remember the rest but I remember it made me feel horny

[Laughs ahoy! Shoot for the starboard!]

Laughs ahoy! Shoot for the starboard!

[If you play this podcast backwards at half-speed, you can hear Satan interview a small business owner]

I'm bumping this shamelessly. I stand by my catchphrase submissions and I won't let them be washed away by the sands of time so callously.

[Time flies... Time flies are a terrible danger to any time traveler transporting raw produce.]

Time flies... Time flies are a terrible danger to any time traveler transporting raw produce.

[If you play this podcast backwards at half-speed, you can hear Satan interview a small business owner]

If you play this podcast backwards at half-speed, you can hear Satan interview a small business owner

[Icy London, Icy France, the possibilities are endless with my mega freeze ray 9000]

Icy London, Icy France, the possibilities are endless with my mega freeze ray 9000

[Here we are in the studio where bad ideas become paywalled spin-off podcasts]

Here we are in the studio where bad ideas become paywalled spin-off podcasts.

[As they said in Yeast Germany, Glutentag]

I don't really care if it's against the forum rules, I think this is a killer catchphrase so I'm gonna bump it.

[Leave the mask on but let them titties out]

Leave the mask on but let them titties out

[Much like a sentient entree that gets pleasure from being eaten, I must say 'thank you for having me.']

Much like a sentient entree that gets pleasure from being eaten, I must say 'thank you for having me.'

[As they said in Yeast Germany, Glutentag]

As they said in Yeast Germany, Glutentag