ProlapsedFamous

First, Marilyn Monroe. Then, Princess Diana. When will "Candle in the Wind" finally be dedicated to the crew of The Challenger?

Hold your horses! A horse loves being held and it's therapeutic for you, too.

Go from mommas boy to ladies man in two easy steps. Emancipate yourself then bone your mom.

Champagne for my real friends and Clamato for my sham friends

I hated learning about Caligula in school but my wife sure seems to enjoy it

If that was Ferris Buellers day off then sign me up for a day on.

Comedy is subjective but my balls aren't cause they are no joke

"Off with his head!" is probably John Bobbit's least favorite historical quote.

The squeaky wheel gets the Grease. Cause boy, that Danny Zuko can get anything wet.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life is something I like to say to newborns

An apple a day keeps the doctor away but I'm more of an android guy and haven't seen a doctor in over 15 years.

"Tally-ho" said the man to the prostitute when asking how much he owed

That doesn't mean it tastes good so feel free to spit

If time travel were possible I'd go forward in time to the first time I time traveled because knowing me I really cheesed it up and chose sometime really stupid.

I call em' like I see em'. I don't do much callin' anymore since I left my glaucoma unchecked.

Hear today gone tomorrow. I guess I should have turned down the volume on my headphones like mommy said.

If age is nothing but a number then why am I in Depends and Kulap is wearing Pampers.

There's no time like the present except for all of those years where I was happy and Rhonda didn't divorce me. Please come back, boo.