hampaxthemorbid

EGOT? Forget that, I’m going to be the first GOTEM: Grammy, Oscar, Tony, Emmy, Mesothelioma

Sweet dreams are made of cheese. Who am I to eat all this cheese?

Cool pap bro. It’d be a shame if someone smeared it

In the love shack, baby broke back. Tried to cook her lunch, but I ran out of Kraft

Alright soldier, this is your final war kneeing

Oh no! this bubble gum pop expired six decades ago.

Roll up your sleeves and grab a muffin, First one to giggle gets thrown into the Sarlaac pit.

Ah, patience. It’s like my grandpa always said “let me get my ass behind me, boy.”

When I’m feeling blue, I play it like croquet - every ball beaten is an additional stroke.

Walking without rhythm deters worms, Walken without Christopher causes fever

Just because you’re shavin’ what your mama gave ya doesn’t mean I wanna hear about your pop’s crop top.

How about you and I smash this bottle of absinthe and hit the autobahn?

These shingles have got me lean, mean, and preoccupied with my spleen.

Nothing can kill the Grimace, though I hear his uncle died from a terrible case of the shakes.

Anyone up for tetanus?

If giving it away was as easy as a game of catch, I’d have more balls by now

Ophelia neck, Ophelia knees, Ophelia stole your wallet and your keys

Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at supper time - it’s enough to make man question his sauce intake

Gimme a break, gimme a break, I’m a member of a labor union

Bob bought a luau - it’s a lot of bamboo

If shawty sinks any lower, she’ll blow her onboard motor.

Shake rattle and roll...I must have forgotten my baby in the dryer again.

Jelly me doughnut, jelly me bread, my jams all over the centerfold’s head

“Murder most fowl!” cried the hunting conservationist.

Itta Bena gave us BB King and Alton Texas Jimmy Dean. I think it’s about time I settled down and started a family right here in good old Booger Hole, West Virginia.